Sunny Days In Stormy Skies
by itjustrained
Summary: He's Edward Cullen and he blames himself for her death. And so does everyone else. But she, she believes him. "I think when it's your time, it's your time. And it doesn't matter who you're with." AH/AU. A little OCC.
1. It Starts With An End

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New story. (: I'm pretty proud of it, and it's really different than anything I've ever written [third person, non-past tense] but I'm really happy with how it turned out.  
So please let me know what you think and if it's worth posting more.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, obviously.

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Chapter One - It Starts With An End.

In the town of Forks, Washington sunshine is a rare occurrence. One that people look forward too, a joyful event. So when the town woke up that June morning, they were shocked to find sunshine pouring in through their windows. On all days, it was disheartening that it would be today that the sun would decide to finally make an appearance.

Because no one in Forks felt joy today.

Especially not at the white two-story white house on the outskirt of town, where three people were leaving the house in the direction of their car.

First is Charlie Swan. He is dressed in a suit, one that he obviously that he hadn't worn in many years. The jacket didn't reach around his middle anymore, so he had left the buttons undone. His tie was too long and too skinny for the current style. But no one would notice today anyway.

Behind him was his wife, Renee Swan. Her face a mask of careful indifference, her pale face whiter than usual, her cheeks sunken in. Her dress was black and hung from her figure unflattering, her hair pulled back into a tight bun, casting a harsh glow to her features.

Finally was Bella Swan. She trails behind her parents, her arms crossed over her chest. She's wearing the only black dress she owns, a sundress that shows off more than she really feels comfortable with. Her friend had bought the dress for her last summer, though she had never worn until today. She had a white sweater on her small shoulders that she had tossed on to avoid too much disapproval from her mother. Her hair was loose and curly around her shoulders-she'd been too tired to do anything with it.

The three of them file into the dark blue sedan in their normal places. Charlie in the drivers seat, Renee in the passengers, and Bella in the backseat, left side behind her father.

Bella looks at the empty seat beside her in the backseat, as she buckles her seat belt. She stares at the seat, waiting for...something. The explosion of emotion, maybe. The realization that she was gone, possibly. But instead, there is nothing. Just the hollow emptiness in her stomach that had been present since she had heard the news.

The ride was silent, everyone alone in their own thoughts.

As soon as they arrived at the funeral, Bella fled from the car, trying to ignore the people, all dressed in black or some variation of, filing into the church to say their good byes.

She flees into the bathroom, managing miraclously to stay undected, and locked the door behind her, staring at her reflection in the mirror. The light the bathroom is yellow, which in turn made her pale skin a sickish yellow. Her brown eyes stare back at her, emotionless, just like she feels.

She shakes her head and turns the cold water on, splashing it onto her face. She shuts off the water and presses her hands against the edge of the counter, leaning against them, breathing in and out as the water dripped off her face.

_You can do this. _She thinks.

With a little confidence, she dries her face off and heads back into the church.

The service is long, and includes her mother's tearful eulogy, along with her father's gruff loss for words. Bella doesn't get up to say a few words around her sister. Her parents had asked her, but she just...she can't. So she sits in the second pew, staring at the long black casket, Tanya's flashy picture sitting on the top of it. She is waiting. Waiting for those emotions that everyone around her was feeling as they dab at their tears with tissues and shot sympathetic glances at her.

"The poor child," she can hear them murmuring to each other.

She was supposed to cry, right? It wasn't that tears wouldn't come, just that she simply felt no need for the tears. She just felt numb when it came to her sister's death. She didn't feel sad, she didn't feel angry. She felt nothing.

Bella had never lost anyone before, so maybe this was just the way she grieved, the way death affected her. She didn't know. She hoped that that was what was happening, and that she wasn't as heartless as she was afraid she was.

The service ends, and everyone files out of the pews to say their goodbyes to Tanya-laying flowers on the casket, touching it as they murmured a goodbye-before coming over to hug Renee and pat Charlie's back as they offer their condolences. People come up to Bella too. Some hugging, some patting, all saying the same thing with the same look in their eye. No one said anything about her dry eyes, instead choosing to comment that it must still be a shock to her. She sees a lot of people she knows, but she realizes that most of them aren't her friends-they are Tanya. There's Rosalie Hale, Tanya's best friend who's eyes are smudged with black from her mascara running. She hugs Bella like they are friends or somethings, and it just makes Bella feel worse about everything. Bella's boyfriend, Mike Newton, comes over and hugs her, and tells her it'll be okay, and she just nods, unsure of what else to say. Mike was a friend of Tanya's too. And Bella has a feeling as she watches him talking to everyone and glancing at Tanya's picture, that he was only dating her to get close to her sister.

When she finally has a free moment-and Mike and Rosalie find someone else to talk to-she wanders up to the casket cautiously, staring at the framed picture. She knows that picture well. Last summer on vacation Renee had dressed both her girl's in purple dresses and had a photographer take their pictures. The same picture was hanging up in their house, along with a similar shot of herself, and a picture of the two of them together, their arms around each other.

"...I can't believe he came. If he hadn't..."

"...it's all his fault."

The words come a few feet away, from Mrs. Rowlin and Ms. Amy-the Swan's neighbors-who are staring disapprovingly towards Bella. She watches them, confused at why they were staring at her with such a look, before she turns to the right and sees the reason.

Standing beside her, in a black suit with a green tie, is none other than Edward Cullen. He seems unaware of the whispers around him, as he stared at the picture of Tanya. The wounds are still fresh on him, his broken arm in a sling, the gruesome scar on his forehead.

"..the gull of that kid. I can't believe it..."

The gull? No, it wasn't gull. It was bravery. For the first time Bella looks at Edward Cullen and realizes that he really had been in love with her older sister. Coming today, despite the disapproval and blame surrounding him, to say goodbye to her was proof of that. And while everyone was blaming him, Bella only feels admiration.

Her parents, however, don't feel the same. Renee walks forward then, coming over to stand in front of the boy. "What are you doing here?" she all but shrieks at him. "You...you are the reason that she's not-"

Edward just bowed his head, looking away as she shrieked at him.

Before Renee could go any further though, Charlie steps forward and touches her arm, shaking his head at her. "No, Renee," he murmurs gently, but when he looks up at the boy, his eyes are dark, his expression bordering anger.

"No!" Renee says, pulling away from Charlie's grasp. "No. You can't _be _here. Get out. Just _get out_!" Now she is shrieking. Every single person in the church is staring at her, eyes wide and mouths open.

"Mom!" Bella gasps, unbelieving that her mother would act in such away to someone who had loved Tanya so much. Or to anyone. She walks in front of Renee, her eyes hard and her mouth set stubbornly. "Mom, you can't _do _that. You can't-"

"It's fine," Edward cuts in. "I'll go." He casts one last look in at the casket, his eyes dark with grief. "I"m sorry for your loss," he murmurs politely in the direction of the Swan's before leaving the church.

"I can't believe you guys," Bella says, a lump in her throat. She didn't know Edward well at all, other than he was Tanya's boyfriend, and she had loved him. And he loved her. And that was all that matters to her. For the first time tears begin to roll down her cheeks. Maybe they are just from anger, but they are tears just the same. She turns to watch Edward walk out of the church, as Renee turns to Charlie from comfort, ignoring her daughter's disappointment, and everyone else in the church shifts uncomfortably, unsure of what to do next.

It only takes a second to make up her mind, and then she's running out the door after him. She stops at the sidewalk, looking for him. He's pretty far down the street, heading in the direction of home.

"Edward!" Wait!" She calls after him, jogging the best she can in the heels that Renee forced into that morning.

He stops, turning around, surprise in his green eyes when he realizes who it is. "Bella?"

"I'm sorry," she says, stopping in front of him, breathing hard. "I'm sorry. They had no reason to be so rude to you."

He smiles at her soberly. "Yes, they did, Bella. If I hadn't taken her that day, she'd still be here. I know I shouldn't have even come today, but I had to say goodbye to her." His bright eyes shine with tears.

"I don't believe that," she argues. While she had been running her brown bangs had fallen into her face, and they hang in front of her eyes. "She would have gone without you. She was determined to go that concert. And even if you guys hadn't gone...maybe it was just her time, Edward. It might have happened anyway. I think that when it's your time, it's your time, and it doesn't matter who you're with when it happens." Her chest is rising and falling quickly, still out of breath from running to catch up with him.

He stares at her, her words sinking in. Everyone at the church had looked at him with accusing eyes, knowing that he was the last person who had seen Tanya alive. They all looked at him like they thought he could have-he should have-saved her. And here was Bella, her sister no less, the only person showing him any type of kindness, outside of his own family. He didn't know what to make of it. He didn't know what to feel. But her words... he wasn't sure he felt the same. But maybe. Maybe they did make sense.

"Maybe, I don't know," he tells honestly.

She nods, biting her bottom lip. "I understand," she says softly. "I just...I wanted you to know. I don't blame you. And I'm sorry for my parents."

He reaches out and brushed her bangs out of her eyes, smiling softly at his girlfriend's little sister. "Thank you, Bella." He's about to walk away, to go home, but he stops, and turns back to her. "She loved you, you know. A lot."

She turns back to him at the sound of his voice, her brown eyes shiny with tears. Her bottom lip is trembling, and she bites it again to keep from crying. "She loved you too." Having someone, someone that truly knew Tanya, tell her that her sister really did love her, it meant so much to her.

They stare at each other, thinking the same things.

"We'll be okay," Edward says finally. "We'll both be okay."

A few tears escape from her eyes, trailing down her cheeks. "Okay," she says, in a quiet voice. She tries to smile at him, but she can't do it without more tears falling.

"You should go back inside, Bella. They'll be worried about you," He tells her gently.

She nods, but before she does she moves closer to him, and tosses her thin arms around him. He's caught off guard for a second, and then moves to put his arms around her as well. They both drink in the comfort the other one provides. She's not sure why she did it. People had been offering her comfort since Tanya had died three days ago but she had pushed them all away. Why she wants it now, she doesn't understand.

Bella pulls away first, her face wet with tears. She says nothing as she turns away from him, walking back towards the church.

He stood and watched her as she walked away before heading home himself.

After the funeral, Charlie and Renee go to the burial, but Bella walks home to the two story house by herself. Renee had tried to insist that Bella go, but Charlie, seeing the look on his daughter's face, had told her to go home, that it was okay.

Bella takes the long way home, letting the sunshine soak into her pale skin. She feels a pang for guilt for not going, but the mental images of the burial are bad enough, she doesn't think she could handle the real ones as well.

She gets to the house and goes inside, over to the fridge to get a drink of water. She leans against the fridge and unscrews the bottle, replaying her conversation with Edward.

_She really loved you, you know. A lot._

Tears start running down her cheeks again, and she reaches up to wipe them away. She glances down at her fingers afterwards, and sees that they are black with the mascara she had used that morning.

She wipes her fingers on her dress, and sets the bottle of water down on the dinning room table. She walks up the stairs, staring at the two doors that sit in front of her. One is hers, one is Tanya's. Tanya had the bigger room. They had argued about it for years, especially when they are younger.

For reasons that even Bella doesn't understand, she opens the door to to Tanya's room instead of her owns, and stands in the doorway, staring at the room.

It was _so _Tanya, painted bright orange, with a yellow and green bedspread. Everything was bright and electric, just like Tanya had been. It was cluttered, and full of stuff. The bookshelves were stacked with books and CD's and pictures. Her dresser was full of nail polish bottles and hair things and perfume.

The room smells like Tanya, the raspberry perfume that she had sprayed on every morning.

Bella ventures a few steps into the room, glancing at the desk. There's her school notebooks, and her diary that Bella hadn't know she was still writing in.

It finally hits Bella then.

Tanya is really gone. She isn't going to come back.

"She's dead," Bella whispers aloud, and her stomach clenches and rolls, and the world is spinning around her. She goes into the bathroom attached to Tanya's room, and throws up the little bit in her stomach, before laying on the floor, the cold tile pressing against her exposed skin.

She lays there for a while, in shock, her mind finally starting to process everything that has happened. After a while she manages to get up to her feet, and she walks numbly into her sister's room again. She lays down on the bed, inhaling the raspberry scent.

When they had been younger, and Bella had been afraid, or worried about something, she had always gone into Tanya's room. Without a word Tanya would pull the comforter up and Bella would crawl into bed beside her. Tanya's not here to open the comforter to her, but she crawls under them anyway, and cries until she falls asleep. _I wish I was numb again _is her last thought before sleep claims her.

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	2. Confusion

When it changes to Edward's pov in the middle, it starts with him leaving the funeral, after he talks to Bella.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

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Chapter Two.

Bella.

When Bella wakes up, she's happy. She's in her sister's bed-she knows this right away from the raspberry smell-safe and happy. Everything had been a dream.

And then she sits up in the bed and realizes that she's alone in it, that it hadn't all been a dream. It was real.

She feels that same clenching feeling in her stomach, and she jumps out of bed so fast that she trips on the sheets. She crashes to the floor hard, scraping up her knees in the process on the cold wooden floor. She doesn't feel the pain, though, instead she just scrambles back up to her feet and rushes into the bathroom.

She emerges a few minutes later, feeling worse than she ever has.

She goes back over to the bed, looking at the messy sheets. She's not sure why, but she makes the bed back to the way it had looked before, and starts to head for the safety of her own room. On her way out the door, something on the desk catches her eye.

It's a present, wrapped cleanly in lime green wrapping paper. It's tied with curly yellow ribbons. Bella walks to desk and picks it up, flipping over the tag attached to it.

_To Edward. Happy Birthday!! Love you, babe._

Edward. His birthday was in two days, she realizes, remembering Tanya talking about it, just last week. Her throat is thick and it's hard to swallow.

She holds the gift her hand for a few minutes, just staring at it.

She knows what she has to do, of course. If someone had found something Tanya had left her, she would want to have it. She wants Edward to have it.

Carrying the present she goes back into her room, shutting her door behind her. She sets the present down on her unslept in bed, and changes out of her rumpled dress and sweater that she had slept in. It's wrinkled and gross, but she doesn't care. She wads them both up into a ball and throws them into the back of her closet, in hopes to never see them again.

Bella changes into the first thing she finds. Black shorts and a white v-neck. She ties on her converse shoes and heads into the bathroom. Her face is sticky from crying, her eyes red and swollen. She grimaces at her hard reflection, and turns the cold water on. She washes her face. It's an improvement. At least it's not sticky.

It takes her nearly ten minutes to brush the tangles out of her hair, but she finally does, and it makes her feel a bit better.

When she goes down the stairs she expects to find her parents, but they are no where to be found. She considers looking for them, but decides aganist it. They would just be upset if she told them she was going out. Her numbness had furstrated them, sure that she wasn't sad enough about losing her sister. Going out would only help prove their point to them.

She scribbles a note, though, because she doesn't want them to worry.

She's kind of happy to leave the house. The kitchen is full of tuberware dishes. Casserole after casserole, cake after cake, sitting there uneaten and untouched. Everyone in town must have brought them _something. _It makes her stomach churn uneasily.

And the flowers. The kitchen table is _covered _in flowers. Seven of the arrangements are the same. The foralist funeral special, she realizes with a lump in her throat. Some of the flowers are blue daisies-Tanya's favorites. She guesses that those came from Tanya's friends from school.

Flowers and casseroles. It still feels like a funeral here, and Bella can't stand it. It's smothering her. She runs back up the stairs and grabs the present, slipping it into her black bag and heading out the door towards the Cullen's.

It's sunny again, so Bella decides to walk, even though the Cullen's don't live very close. She knows the house well. Alice Cullen, Edward's little sister, had invited her to some sleepovers and other various parties at their house over the years, and she had tagged along with Tanya a few times when they had been younger.

It's a big house, open and modern, and Bella's always loved it.

She walks up to the front door and knocks, chewing on her lip nervously as she waits for someone to answer.

It takes a few minutes, but finally Esme Cullen opens the door. She looks surprised to see Bella standing on their porch. A moment later Carlisle comes up behind her. Surprise is written on his face as well, but he recovers quicker.

"Hello, Bella."

"Yes, hi, Bella," Esme says, her husbands voice jerking her back to the present. "How are you, dear?"

"Fine," Bella answers simply. She's not sure how she feels.

They offer sympathetic smiles.

"Can we help you, Bella?" Carlisle asks.

"I came to see Edward," she explains.

They shot worried glances at each other. Carlisle is the one to address the worries. "Bella, don't take this the wrong way, please. But with what everyone has been saying about Edward-especially your parents-we just...we want to make sure that you don't want to...blame him," he says, honestly.

Bella holds up a hand and shakes her head. "No! I completely understand, and no, that's definitely not why I am here. I don't blame Edward, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. I just found something of Tanya's I wanted to give him," she tells them. "I know he's didn't have anything to do with her...death." She feels that stinging in her eyes, and she bites her lip hard because she doesn't want to start crying here in front of them.

She glances back up at them and they looked relieved.

"Thank you," Carlisle says. "I'm sorry we had to ask but-"

"I understand," she says again. And she does.

They both move away from the door, then.

"Please come in," Esme says, and Bella does.

Esme studies the teenage girl. "How are you doing, dear?"

"Fine," she says, because she doesn't know what else to say. She doesn't know how she is.

Esme gives her that sympathetic glance Bella's beginning to regonize all too well. She heads down the hall towards Edward's room.

Alice pops her head out of her room as Bella walks by.

"Bella?" she asks, surprised. She opens her door all the way and stands in the doorway.

"Hi Alice."

"I'm sorry about Tanya," Alice says, looking down at the carpet.

"Thanks," Bella says softly.

"Why are you here?" she questions.

"I have something to give Edward."

Alice looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn't. She just nods and smiles, before going back into her room.

Bella conitues down the hall, stopping in front of Edward's door. She takes a deep breath, and knocks.

Edward.

He walks slowly in the direction of home, leaving the church behind him. He's tired and sad and confused, and he just wants to go home and sleep. His arm hurts and he's mentally exhausted.

He uses his good hand to loosen his green tie and pulls it off, rolling it up and shoves into the pocket of his black suit. The memory of Tanya helping him pick this suit out is not far from his mind, and the irony of it isn't lost on him.

Edward knew that going to the funeral probably wasn't the best idea. Obviously he was aware that he wasn't anyone's favorite person right now, especially the Swan's. He knew that no one would be happy to see him there, but he _had _to go. He had to say goodbye to Tanya. He owed her that much. So he had gone anyway. He arrived a few minutes late, and stood in the back of the church, trying to stay out of everyone's way. He had stayed back while everyone told the Swan's how sorry they were for their loss, and laid flowers on the casket.

It was a closed casket service.

Finally when everyone had begun to talk amongst themselves and there was only one person standing at her casket he moved forward. When he got up there, he realized, of course, that that one person was Bella Swan, Tanya's little sister.

Everyone had started whispering to each other-about him-while he just stood there, staring at that picture of Tanya in her purple dress. She had loved that dress. He could still see her, wearing that dress to dinner on one of their first dates.

He hadn't really minded the whispering, it certainly wouldn't have been enough to get him to leave, but Renee Swan had seen him.

Edward had always known Tanya's mother to be a nice person. Immature and materialistic, maybe, but never mean or rude. She seemed to be a geniuely caring person under everything. His opinion hadn't really changed of her, despite what had happened. Her daughter had been her world. And her world was gone.

And Edward was the perfect person to blame for losing that world.

And that's why he had left, even when Bella jumped in, surprised at her mother's behavior. It hurt, maybe, but he understood it.

The most surprising thing about the entire day was Bella following him out of the church to apologize for what Renee had said.

To be honest, he knew very little about Bella. She was the same age as him, they were in the same grade, and at a school as little as Fork's High School, everyone ended up spending a lot of time with each other. Not to mention that she had been around when he had hung at the house with Tanya, and that the four of them had gone on some double dates after she started dating Mike Newton.

But she was a quiet person. She was so different from Tanya. Tanya was loud, Tanya was outgoing, Tanya knew everyone. She was the it girl in school, along with her best friend Rosalie Hale. The two of them were cheerleaders, they played soccer and volleyball, they sang in the choir, they worked on the yearbook staff. You couldn't do anything at the school without those two being inlvoved with it. Bella wasn't very active in school. She didn't play sports, she wasn't a cheerleader. She didn't sing, she didn't work on the yearbook staff. No one had probably even really noticed her until she started dating Mike.

Mike was the school's quarterback.

Today was probably the first time Bella had ever directly spoken to Edward.

He sighs and drags a hand through his auburn hair, leaving it stick up in all directions like usual. His chest is tight and he doesn't know what to feel about anything anymore.

It's hard to keep his eyes open, and he has no energy. He hasn't slept in three days. He just...he can't. He lays down to sleep and even if he can drift off, he wakes up ten minutes later in a cold sweat, shaking and reliving everything all over again.

He wishes he could. It's bad enough to loose someone. It's even worse to have to stay up for 62 hours straight, unable to escape the way he's feeling.

Edward walks into the Cullen's driveway. He sees the curtain in the front window being pulled away, and then falling back into place. A moment later the front door opens, and his little sister, Alice, is standing there. Alice was pretty good friends with Tanya-they had had a lot in common-but she looks okay. Alice didn't stay down long, no, she cried everything out and moved forward as best she could.

She watches her brother walk up the driveway, her eyes full of worry and her glossy lips set into a frown. "Hey," she says softly, as he gets to the porch.

"Hi."

"That bad?" She knows him well.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. He walks past her into the house without answering her question. He pulls his blazer off and puts it down on the couch before undoing some of the buttons on his dress shirt.

"It's not like I expected it to go well," he tells her, finally.

She nods, studying him cautiously. She really wants to know, but she doesn't want to ask him.

"They asked me to leave," he says, in a quiet voice, looking at the ground.

Her gray eyes widen. "What?" she demands. "They asked you to leave?"

"Well, it's more like Renee Swan screamed at me to get out."

"I don't believe it. I can't believe-"

He shakes his head. "Alice...not now."

She presses her lips into a thin line. "I don't see how she could do that to you, though! You loved her! She loved you!"  
"It's her daughter, Alice. She...I understand."

His sister just shakes her head. "I still don't-" she stops suddenly and her eyes narrow. "You are _not _blaming yourself, are you?"

"I'll be in my room," he mumbles, grabbing his blazers and heading for the hallway. He should answer Alice, but she'd be angry with the truth, and he doesn't want to lie to her. So he says nothing instead.

He goes into his room and shuts the door, changing out of his suit and into jeans. He doesn't bother to put a shirt on. He lays down on his bed and stares at the bottle of sleeping pills on his nightstand. His father had given them to him, to take for a few days if he decided he needed them. He doesn't want to have to take them, but he's just so tired.

Sighing he grabs the bottle and takes the recommended dose, washing them down with water. He lays back on his bed, staring at the white bubble celing above him. He tries to think of something safe, of something happy while he waits for the pills to take their effect, but all he can do is replay the scene from the funeral over and over again.

Edward finally wakes up around eleven the next morning. He feels groggy from the sleeping pills, but as that starts to wear off, he feels considerably better. His eyes aren't heavy, his body isn't so tired. He feels like, for the first time since it happened, that he might able to face the day.

He gets up out of bed and washes his face and throws on a white shirt. He doesn't feel like facing the family, especially since he knew Alice was probably still complaining about the funeral, and his parents would be concerned and want to know what had happened. He doesn't want to talk about it.

He goes back into his room and lays back down on the bed. He has no idea what he should do with himself now. He doesn't know how to keep moving forward, he can't act like this hadn't happened. And worst of all it was summer vacation, and he wasn't being forced to get up and do something. He almost wishes for school so he has to get up every morning and go somewhere. No, more like a job, he decides. School.

Ugh, going back to school at the end of the summer would be terrible. In a town as little as Forks, with a high school that small, everyone would still be talking about her, even though it would have been two and a half months since it had happened. He would have to go through it all over again.

He groans and rolls over to his stomach, burying his head in the pillow.

Someone knocks on his door and he sighs, lifting his head up from the pillow. "Go away Alice," he calls, because chances are it's Alice wanting to talk to him about something. She seemed to believe that he should talk everything out to her.

Not about to happen.

"It's not Alice." He doesn't fully recognize the voice. It sounds familiar but he can't place it. He frowns and lifts himself up off the bed and opens the door.

There, in his doorway, is Bella Swan. She's wearing black shorts and a white shirt that looks just like the one he is wearing, and she's got a oversized black bag hanging off one small shoulder. In her hands is a present wrapped in bright green paper.

"Bella?"

Her cheeks turn bright red. "Uh, hi."

"Hi."

She's still blushing. She hands the present to him. "I uh, found this in Tanya's room this morning," she says softly.

He stares at the present, turning it around and around in his hands, no idea what to make of it. Yeah, he realizes, his birthday is a couple days away. He's almost eighteen-something that had been really bothering him. He hadn't even thought about that since... He finally stops and picks up the tag.

_To Edward. Happy Birthday. Love you, babe._

He can almost hear her voice, telling him this, kissing his cheek as she hands over the present. He shuts his eyes and tries to shake the image away, because he just can't deal with that right now.

"I just...wanted to bring it to you..." Bella says, looking uncomfortable. "I know if...if it was the other way around...I'd want it."

He nods, still staring, wondering what to do next. Part of him wanted to rip it open, part of him wanted to save it. He finally looks up at Bella, meeting her brown eyes. She looks different than yesterday, he decides. Yesterday she looked okay. Detached maybe, but okay. Today she seems sluggish, her eyes red and a bit puffy. She's not wearing make up and her hair is down again, loose. She has her arms crossed around her waist, and she just looks...lost.

Exactly like he feels.

"Thank you. For bringing it," he says, quietly.

She nods, biting her lip. She doesn't know why, but suddenly she feels like crying.

"I hope your parents didn't mind you coming."

"They don't know."

"Oh." He doesn't like the idea that she's lying to them.

She stares at her feet for a minute before looking back at him. "I actually haven't even seen them since the funeral," she hesitates, biting her lip.

He doesn't know what to say to that, so he doesn't say anything.  
"I had to come, anyway," she finally says. "Our house...it's just..." she trails off, rubbing one of her eyes. "There's all these casseroles, and flowers, and it's so stuffy and I just can't...I can't..." she stops, her bottom lip trembling.

Edward reaches out and pulls her against him. She buries her head against his chest, and cries, her small body racking with the sobs. He hugs her tightly against him, letting her cry it out. He wishes he could comfort her more, because they are feeling the same things, and he knows how much he wishes that there was some way he could feel better too.

He's not sure how she cries, but finally she pulls away, looking embarrassed, her cheeks tear stained. "Sorry," she says, chuckling nervously as wipes away the tears the best she can.

"It's okay," he tells her, honestly.  
"Thank you," she says softly.

They stand there, staring at each other. Unsure of what to do next. With anything.

"You're welcome to come back," he says, suddenly. He's not really sure why. He's sure that she's not getting any comfort, any attention at her own home right now. And he doesn't want her to be alone. He doesn't want to be alone.

She looks at him, surprised. She's not sure what to say, because she doesn't know if he means it. "Okay," she agrees slowly. She shifts her weight to the other foot. "I should go."

He nods, and offers to walk her out, but she declines, telling him it's okay. She thanks him again, and he tells her that he means it, she can come over whenever, and he watches as she walks back down the hall. When she's gone from sight, he closes his door again, and looks at the present in his hand.

He's not going to open it, he decides. He walks over to his closet and opens the door, setting the present on the highest shelf and shutting the door.

* * *


	3. Fine, Just Fine

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! This explores a bit into Bella's talent. There's quite a bit more about it in the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

Chapter Three.

Bella.

When she got home from the Cullen's, she walked inside and called out that she was home. She was expecting _something. _A 'where have you been?' or 'Glad your home.' Or even just some sort of acknowledgement, no matter how small.

But there was nothing. Not even a hello.

Frowning she walked into the living room, but no one was there either. She thought about knocking on her parents door to see if they were all right, or if they were even home, but in the end she realized she was too tired to really care.

Being at the Cullen's she had felt okay, but now that she was back in the dark empty house, it all came rushing back at her, the pain she had felt last night. She climbed up the stairs to her room and crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep for the second night in a row.

The next morning starts much like the morning before had, and she goes through the same routine of tossing off the clothes she had worn before and changing into new ones, and washing her face. Her chest still feels tight and her stomach feels hollow. And she just doesn't know what to _do _now.

She heads down the stairs, and again there is no sign of either of her parents. When she looks out the front window she sees that Charlie's police cruiser is missing, so she knows that he has gone to work. It surprises that he would go back to work this early-it's been five days, but maybe it's what he needed. She knows she would welcome a purpose.

Bella wonders about her mother, and with a sigh she heads into the back of the house, to her parent's room. She knocks on the door hesitantly, and waits.

"What do you want?"

She jumps at the sound of her mother's voice, flinching at the harshness it in. Renee is wearing sweatpants-she had no idea her mother _owned _sweatpants-and a tank top, her hair pulled back, and she just looked...terrible. She probably hadn't gotten out of bed since the funeral.

"I just uh, wanted to make sure you were okay," Bella says.

Renee sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm not. My head is _pounding._ I don't want to do anything but lay around."

"Okay," Bella agrees. It's probably best just to let Renee work this out herself. "Can I get you anything, though? Food, something to drink, a book? Tylenol?"

Renee stares at her daughter for a long moment. "Tyenol."

She nods, and went up to her bathroom to grab the bottle and a glass of water. She brings both back down to Renee's room, and she takes three of the pills, and chugs the water. "Thank you," she says, stiffly. She doesn't ask Bella how she's doing, or anything. She just hands the glass of water back to her and waits.

"Uh, I guess I'll check on you later," Bella says finally.

She sighs. "Bella, how many times do I have to tell you to stop saying "uh' so much. It's _so _unladylike and it makes you sound uneducated."

Bella raises an eyebrow and stares at her. Seriously? She doesn't care enough to ask if she's okay, but she will lecture her about the way she talks. She takes a deep breath. "Sorry."

"It's quite all right. Work on it, though, won't you?"

"Sure." She turns away from the door, and Renee shuts it behind her, probably to go back to bed.

As Bella walks away she has the strongest urge to scream or hit something. She runs up the stairs to her room, and flops down on her bed.

She knows her parents are disappointed in her. After having a daughter having like Tanya, it would hard not to be disappointed in anything less.

Tanya was popular. Tanya was smart. She was pretty-like model pretty with big blue eyes and strawberry blond hair-she was a cheerleader, she played sports, she sang, she could do _anything _and _everything. _And she did. Everyone loved Tanya Swan.

Bella was just kind of there. She had felt like that her entire life for the most part. No matter where she was, school, home, where ever, she always felt like she was just there. Probably wouldn't be missed, but expected to show up anyway. The only place Bella has ever felt at home was on the dance floor, at the studio, or on stage at a recitial. And her parents rarely show up to her recitals anymore though, she was pretty sure they'd never missed one of Tanya's games.

It's never really bothered her. It hurts sometimes, of course, but she's never been resentful of Tanya, or even mad at her parents for not giving her the same attention. Maybe it should bother her, but it really doesn't. She knows she's a good dancer, she has a few good friends, she loves to read, she loves to listen to music. She knows who she is, and she's very comfortable with it. Today however, it hurts more than it has in years. It almost feels like with Tanya her mother has no reason for anything anymore. Like she doesn't even have another daughter.

She sighs, and sits up, grabbing her black bag up off the floor. She pulls her cell phone out for the first time since before the funeral. She's got several texts messages, one from Alice Cullen, which surprises her, asking if she would like to come over for dinner sometime-like tonight. Bella raises an eyebrow, but scrolls to the next message before replying.

The next three messages are from Mike, asking if she's okay, if she needs anything, or if she wants him to come over to let him know. He's being really supportive, she realizes, and sighs, because that just makes that whole situation more difficult. She moves on to the last messages, all from her best friend, Angela Weber. She says she's so sorry about everything, and hopes she's okay, but she doesn't know when she'll be home from vaction yet.

She calls her back, and they talk for a few minutes. Bella doesn't really feel like talking about everything, she just wants Angela to know she's okay. Angela is understanding, of course, and says she'll call in and check on her tomorrow.

Bella hangs up, and ignores the messages from Mike and replies to Alice's message.

She's unsure what to say at first. Dinner seems so...out of place right now. She hasn't even eaten since...since Tanya died.... but the more she thinks about home, and her mother, and the casseroles and flowers, the choice is clear. She tells her she'll be over at five and puts the phone back on the nightstand.

Late in the afternoon Bella changes into jeans and a black t-shirt, and brushes her hair, pulling it back from her face. She puts her cell phone in her pocket.

Before she leaves she checks on Renee again. She's sleeping, which is a relief, really. She scribbles out a note that she's out with Mike and she'll be back tonight. She hates lying, but if they knew she was out with the Cullen's she'd be in some serious trouble.

She walks to the Cullen's again, because the weather is _still _nice.

_I can't believe this. _She thinks crossly, as she gazes up at the blue sky.

Alice greets her at the door, and looks excited to see her. She grabs her arm and ushers her inside. "You're right on time!"

She leads her to the table. Carlisle and Edward are already sitting at the table. Edward is staring at his empty plate, and Carlisle is watching his son with concern in his blue eyes.

"Bella's here," Alice announces, joyfully.

Esme comes out carrying a pan of lasagna-Bella's favorite.

Her stomach grumbles at the smell.

"Glad you could come, dear," Esme says, flashing a smile.

Edward looks up at her, and she can feel him watching her as she says hello back, and Alice tells her to sit in the seat beside her. She's sitting across from Edward.

Dinner is all right. Alice, Carlisle and Esme do all the talking. Discussing several things, but all safe subjects. While they talk Edward pushes food around on his plate. He hasn't said one word since she got here. She can't read his expression, or his eyes, leaving her clueless.

And she didn't try to figure it out. She was too busy eating way too fast and way too much. But it tastes wonderful and she's starving. The Cullen's make no comment on it, and they don't look at her funny, so if they even notice, they must understand.

Towards the end of dinner, Esme turned to Bella. "How are your parents doing?"

"Uh," she says, Renee's words flooding back to her from this morning. "Well, Cha-Dad went back to work this morning."

"Oh, well that's good."

She shrugs.

"Your mother?"

"She's...it's hard."

Esme nods in agreement. "It takes a while."

Bella nods.

She stays for desert, because despite it being a little awkward being here, at least she feels like she's breathing. At home, stuck in the dark house by herself-because she might as well be by herself-she feels like she's sinking, drowning. Here, she has her head above water. Here she's treading water. And that's enough to make her want to stay.

After desert though, even though they ask if she'd like to watch a movie, or just hang out, she declines, because it's getting dark and she's worn out.

She was just going to walk home, but Carlisle and Esme told her that it was too dark to walk by herself and that Edward will take her. She's tired and it _is _dark out, so she agrees.

Edward.

Edward gets up for dinner, but only because Alice tells him that Bella is coming. He's actually pretty excited to find out that she'll be over again. For some reason Bella Swan feels like the only person that can relate to him right now. It's ironic, really, but hey, he'll take what he can get.

She sits through dinner without saying much. She answers the questions that his family asks her with simple answers, looking emotionless as she talks. She eats, she eats a lot, which takes him by surprise at first. He still can't eat, he just pushes food around on his plate, forcing down a few bites that don't taste like anything.

He's surprised when Bella stays for desert. He expected her to escape as soon as possible, because she looks sort of uncomfortable and awkward sitting there across from him, but she doesn't, and she looks happier as she sits there talking some with Alice while they eat. She looks tired and worn out, but it looks like she's doing better than he is.

He hadn't even gotten out of bed until three in the afternoon today, and only because he needed to shower before dinner. He wasn't sure how he felt...just...empty. And all afternoon that he layed awake he just stared at that wrapped green present on the shelf. A part of him still wants to open it, but he doesn't, because he knows he needs that. He needs to have it sitting there, he needs to have the promise of having something that Tanya gave him. So he leaves it and tries hard not to think about what might be inside.

After dinner Esme tells Bella that Edward will walk her home, since it's gotten dark. Edward frowns at that. He doesn't mind the extra time with Bella, but he doesn't really want to go to her house either. That house...it has so many memories. It's still Tanya's house to him, a place where he knows he couldn't escape her memory. Not to mention the whole thing with Bella's parents hating him.

But he agrees anyway, mostly because he knows he doesn't really have a choice. Esme's not the type of person that you can say no to.

He runs up the stairs to grab his leather jacket and comes back down to the living where Bella is waiting. Bella thanks everyone for dinner and they head outside. The sun has set almost completely, and there's a crisp feel to the air. He glances over at Bella and realizes that she doesn't have a jacket.

"Do you want my coat?" he asks her, glancing at the goosebumps appearing on her exposed arms.

She glances at her arms, and then shakes her no. "Thanks, but I'm okay."

He doesn't really believe her, but he shrugs. "Okay."

They walk in the direction of Bella's house in silence for a few minutes. Edward feels awkward and unsure of himself in front of her, something he hasn't felt like around anyone in years.

"How are you?" she asks, out of the blue.

He glances over at her. "What do you mean?"

She rolls her eyes at him again. "You know what I mean."

He supposed he did. "I'm okay." she didn't believe him for a minute. "How are you?"

"I'm okay."

He doesn't believe her for a minute.

"Really," he says, dryly.

She sighs. "I don't know how I am," she tells him honestly.

"I don't know either."

"How's your arm?"

He glances down at his cast. "Fine. I kind of forget about it."

Bella doesn't reply. They are getting close to the house, and she realizes there is someone waiting in front of it. She's squinting, trying to figure out who it is.

Edward follows her look, and sees that it's Mike Newton waiting for her.

He looks shocked to see Bella with Edward.

"What is he doing here?" he asks her.

Edward and Mike have been pretty good friends. They both play on the football team, and they were part of the same group. Tanya had been really excited when Mike and Bella started dating so they could all go out together. But Edward had always had a hunch that he liked Tanya more than he was letting on, so it really didn't come as too much of a surprise that he looks angry to see Edward.

Like everyone else, he probably blames him too.

"He was walking me home," Bella tells him in a soft voice.

Mike's light blue eyes keep flicking to Edward, his jaw set.

"What are you doing here?" She asks him.

"You haven't been answering my calls or anything. I was worried."

"Oh."

The three of them stand there in uncomfortable silence.

"Well," Edward says, finally breaking it. "I should be getting home."

Bella nods. "Okay. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure," he agrees, shooting her a small smile. He turns back to his place, leaving Bella and Mike to talk things out, even though he kind of doesn't want them too. Being that he was pretty sure that Mike liked Tanya...it had always made him weary of his relationship with Bella. Did he really like Bella? Or was he just using her to get to Tanya? He could never be sure-especially now-and that worried him.

Mike could be a good guy, but he wasn't very tactful, and the last thing in the world Edward wanted was for Mike to break up with Bella, not right now, not so soon, not with everything else that was happening. He didn't want her to have to go through anything more than she had too.

* * *


	4. Getting By

As always thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed/favorited/alerted this story. I'm really proud of this story. We learn quite a bit more about Bella in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however, own this plot.

* * *

Chapter Four.

Bella.

Mike's eyes were full of anger and confusion when Bella finally turned to him. Edward had disappeared from sight, and she really just wanted to go inside.

"What was that all about?" he asks.

She frowns, because she knows he won't understand. "It's nothing, Mike. Yesterday I found a present that Tanya had gotten Edward for his birthday, so I took it over to him, and today Alice invited me over for dinner...and I went. His parents didn't want me walking home alone, so they asked him to make sure I was okay," she tries to explain.

"But Bella...why would you want to spend anytime with them? especially with him. If it wasn't for him your sister-"

"No. It's not his fault," she hisses at him, cutting him off before he can finish that sentence.

His eyes grow wide. "What? Are you seriously sticking up for him?"

"Why shouldn't I? He's your friend, isn't he?" she asks, unable to believe that everyone could turn against him like this.

"Why are we talking about Edward Cullen?" He asks instead of answering her question. His face softens as he looks her over. "I came to make sure you were doing okay."

She brushes the hair out of her face, staring at him at the sudden subject change. "Uh. I'm fine."

He reaches out for her hand, and she allows him to take it, leading her up onto the porch stairs to sit on the old white swing there. She sits down beside him, and he still holds onto her hand.

"How are your parents?"

"Charlie went to work today," she tells him softly. "Renee's...taking it hard."

He nods. "I'm sure she'll come around."

"Yeah." She sighs. "Look, Mike, we need to talk."

He turns to look at her, and sighs as he sees her expression. "Yeah, I figured this was coming. But hey, I understand."

"You do?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

He nods, "Yup. Right now is a really hard time for you. I understand that you need some space and time to figure everything out. I get it. You can't focus on us right now. Just take your time, and call me if you need me and or need to talk."

She stares at him, his words taking a minute to sink in. He wasn't breaking up with her...was he? She frowns. "I appreciate that Mike...but I don't...I mean, I just...I don't want to pick us back up. This is it for us, Mike."

It's his turn to stare at her now. "What?" He jumps up to his feet. "What are you talking about? What brought _this _on? Cullen? Now that your sister's gone you decided to try to snag him before someone else does?"

Anger floods her veins and blurs her vision. She jumps to her feet, and before she even knows what she's doing, her arm juts out and makes contact with his face. She pulls her arm, her knuckles red, pain pulsing through them.

_Wow. He has a hard head._

He touches his mouth, and wipes away a few drops of blood.

_Who knew I could do that, _she muses, a little delighted.

"Why on earth did you do that?" he hisses. He leans over the porch and spits a mouthful of blood.

"Don't talk about my sister!" She all but screams at him. "And before you go accusing _me _of being in love with someone else, can you deny that you weren't in love with her? That that's not why you were dating me in the first place?"

He stares at her, still holding his mouth. His jaw twitches for a moment, like he's going to say something, but he doesn't. "I guess this is it then."

It feels like a hit to her chest when he says that. She had known, of course, but having him confirm it...it hurts. "I guess so," she says, softly.

He nods, and there's a softness in his eyes for a moment, before walking off the porch and down the sidewalk towards his own house.

Bella stands on the edge of the porch and watches him until he's out of sight. As he disappears from her view, she doesn't know how to feel.

Slowly she walks into the house. Charlie is sitting in the kitchen, a brown bottle of beer in front of him, only a few sips missing. He has his head in his hands, and he looks so....lost that it makes her heart ache worse.

_How much more of this am I supposed to take? _

She takes a deep breath and shuts the door behind her.

Charlie looks up at her. He's still wearing his full uniform. "Hey. Where have you been?"

"Just...walking around," she lies. "And just now I was talking to Mike."

"Yeah...were you shouting?" he asks, his brown eyes-her brown eyes-studying her.

"Uh, yeah," she ducks her head, embarrassed. She hopes he doesn't ask, because she really doesn't want to talk about it.

"Everything okay?" is all he asks.

She bobs her head. "Yeah, now it is. I uh..broke up with him."

Charlie stares at her for a long time, and she wonders if he's going to say anything about it, but finally he shakes his head.

"You went to work today," she says.

He nods. "Yeah. I did. It was...a big mistake. I can't go back." Desperation lingers in his voice, as he goes back to staring at his beer.

Bella bits her lip, staring at her father. _Right now? Or ever? _She really wants to ask, but she doesn't. "Okay."

He nods again. "Was your mother okay?"

She shrugs. "She didn't come out of her room. I checked on her a few times..."

He smiles tightly at her. "Thanks, Bella. I don't...want you to have to deal with that. You're a kid, you shouldn't have to take care of your parents. I know we should be taking care of you, and we've done a horrible job at it but-"

"It's okay, Dad, really," she says, quickly. "I get it. And anyway, I've never really minded being alone." She knows he'll understand this-he's the same way.

"Still," he insists. "If you need anything. You'll me know, right?"

"Yeah, sure." she agrees. She turns to head up the stairs to her room, but he stops before she gets there.

"Bella? Have you been practicing at all?"

"Uh. No. Not since..."

Charlie nods. "Don't you have a lesson tomorrow?"

"No. I called and canceled."

"Bella. Don't give this up. Don't let this...stop you. Promise me."

There's something about the way he says it that puts a lump in her throat. She swallows thickly and nods. "Okay, Dad. I promise."

Finally she makes her escape, taking the stairs two at a time and closing her door behind her. She goes straight for her bed, not bothering to change again. She throws her bag on the floor beside her bed and crawls under the covers, burying her head in the pillow. As if the last few days hadn't been emotional enough, today had to happen too.

Her mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions and memories, but she manages to fall into a dreamless sleep anyway.

Charlie is downstairs eating at the table when Bella comes down the stairs. Renee is no where in sight, and she doesn't ask where she is, or how she is doing. The fact that she wasn't here said it all.

Charlie is wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt, yep, he's not going back to work. She's not sure how to feel about that. She hopes he can go back eventually. Being police chief is his life, he doesn't know to do anything else.

She puts a bagel in the toaster and waits at the counter for it to pop. Like always, as soon as it does pop she jumps up in surprise.

Charlie looks up at her, and when he figures it out, he shakes his head and turns back to his paper.

She looks over at him sheepishly, embarrassed, and pulls the bagel out of the toaster and starts to butter it. She finally has some appetite. She sits down at the table and takes a bite.

"What are you up to today?" he asks her.

She shrugs. "I don't know. Probably stick around. I guess I should work on my routine."

He smiles. "That a'girl."

She rolls her eyes, but she feels a little more encouraged. She's a bit surprised to find his support, because neither Renee or Charlie had showed much interest in her dancing for years. Not since she and Tanya had still been taking the classes together...

The piece of bagel she's chewing tastes off suddenly, her stomach dropping. She swallows and gulps some water down after it. She stares at her plate. She's not hungry anymore.

She stands up and throws the rest of the bagel out and puts the plate in the sink. The sink is full of dishes from the last five days.

Charlie stands up and puts his own plate in the sink, making no comment about the dirty dishes. "I'm going to go check on Renee," he murmurs, making his way towards the stairs.

Bella sighs, sitting back down at the table. She plays with a lock of her hair. She told Charlie that she would work on her routine, and she knows she should. But she dug up that memory and now she can't suppress it.

Bella and Tanya had both started out dancing. Renee had enrolled them in classes when they were little girls-four and five-to teach them grace. Renee was the kind of Mom that tried to live her dreams out through her children. She had wanted to be a dancer but had never had the opportunity, so as soon as they were old enough she had enrolled them instead.

Together the girls were in classes for five years. Bella, who had been a terribly clumsy child, had surprised everyone by excelling at the sport. Get her out on a dance floor and suddenly she was light and graceful. Tanya had been good at dancing too, but she had never loved it the way Bella did, so when she had turned ten she had given it up.

Bella had stuck with it though. She went to dance classes in Port Angles twice a week and had been since she was ten years old. She was in recitals nearly every month and she even begun to help Claire, her instructor/coach with the youngest children a couple times a month. She's one of the best in the school.

Dancing means everything to her. Something about going out there and being able to do something so well, something so beautiful and amazing, she can't get enough of it, of the way it makes her feel. It's such a rush. Drugs could never be as good as dancing made Bella feel.

Today, however, all she can remember is those classes that she and Tanya had taken together. Memories come tumbling down around her, reminding her again that her sister is gone and not coming back.

It hits her again, fast and painful, like someone had pulled the scab off a wound. She had been able to feel numb again, to push Tanya away while she had been at the Cullen's and dealing with her issues with Mike, and Charlie and his job.

She puts her head between her knees and takes a couple deep breaths.

She can hold it together. She will hold it together.

The stomachache leaves after a few minutes and she rises from the chair, determined not to think about this anymore, at least not right now. She goes into her room and turns her ipod on to her dancing music, and reaches for her ballet bar.

Bella does most kinds of dancing, but ballet is her favorite.

With the music for their next recital flooding through the room she begins the routine that she already knows like the back of her hand. She throws herself into the movements, letting them consume her completely. She moves gracefully and beautifully with the music, pretending that she's on stage with the rest of the group, in her costume, in front of an audience, the lights on her.

It clears her mind, helps her to focus. All that matters to her right now is the dance.

She dances until she's hot and sweaty and her legs have started to ache. She reaches over to turn the music off and collapses onto her bed, her breathing heavy. She's hot, she's tired, but she feels better. She feels more alive than she has in days.

"Bella! Someones here for you!" Charlie calls up the stairs to her.

With a groan she picks herself up off the bed. She heads down the stairs, brushing her damp hair out of her face. She wonders who could be here for her. It's not going to be Edward or Alice, obviously, and it's doubtful that it would be Mike. She expects that it's probably Angela Weber, her best friend who's been on vacation, but when she gets to the door, it's not any of those people.

Nope, instead it's Rosalie Hale.

Tanya's best friend, the queen of the school. Not someone that Bella had ever been friends with, or ever associated much with. At least not in a long time. They had all been okay friends as kids, but Rosalie and Tanya were both cheerleaders, they were both popular, they were both beautiful and boy crazy and Bella had moved onto find her own friends.

So she has no idea why Rosalie is here, at her house.

Rosalie is dressed in black. Black skinny jeans that mold to her perfect legs, and a black shirt that clings to her perfect figure. "Hey Bella," she says softly as Bella approaches.

As soon as Bella gets closer, Rosalie throws her arm around her and hugs her.

"I'm so sorry!" she all but wails into Bella's ear. She finally pulls back and holds Bella at arm's length. "You look terrible. This must be so hard for you."

Bella gapes for a minute, unable to find her voice. She's never seen Rosalie Hale-who was mostly known for being an ice queen-act this way. With anyone. Ever. She can't help but wonder if she is high or drunk. "Uh. I'm doing okay. I guess." she says finally, finding her voice. "Is there uh, something I can help you with?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh. I'm okay. How are you doing?"

Rosalie sniffs. "I miss her."

She doesn't want to talk about Tanya. She worked so hard to not think about her, and now this. "I miss her too," she says, biting her bottom lip to keep any tears from escaping.

Rosalie nods, and looks away from a moment. When she looks back at Bella she's recovered and has her normal look of indifference in place.

"So...why are you here?" _It can't be just to talk about Tanya._

She brushes a lock of blond hair back into place. "I actually wanted to talk to you about the cheerleading squad."

Bella raises an eyebrow skeptically. "...what?"

"There's an empty spot now. I wanted to offer it to you before everyone else starts trying to get it." Rosalie was the head cheerleader. "When school starts practices are Tuesday and Friday and-"

"I'm busy those days," Bella says automatically. That's her dance classes.

Now Rosalie raises an eyebrow. "What are you doing anyway?"

Bella lifts her chin and looks the other girl in the eyes. "Does it matter?" she asks. No one really knows about her dancing. And she likes that. she doesn't know why it matters to her, but it does.

Her lips twist up. "No, I guess it doesn't." Rosalie Hale is no push over, but she does know when to pick her battles. "So I suppose that's a no."

"Sorry. I'm not cheerleader material anyway."

"Oh, I was going to help you out during the summer. Teach you the moves."

Bella rubs her arms. "Oh. Well. I'm just not..."

"I understand. But if you change your mind, let me know. The spot is yours if you want it, and my offer still stands."

"Uh, thank you, Rosalie. I'll keep that in mind."

She nods. "I guess I'd better go then." She turns, but hesitates. "If you need anything, Bella, let me know, okay?"

Bella's speechless for a moment, and nods. "Sure. Thank you," she says when she finds her voice.

Rosalie actually smiles at her before leaving. Bella stares after her for a few minutes, wondering if that really just happened. Finally she shuts the door and heads back up to her room, shaking her head.

* * *


	5. Late Night Coffee

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed!

This chapter is a bit shorter, but I think you'll like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. The plot is mine, however.

I apologize in advance for any errors. Spellcheck isn't working, so I'll probably miss something.

* * *

Chapter Five.

As if the last day and a half hasn't been enough of an emotional rollar coaster, in the middle of the night while Bella lays awake, thoughts bouncing in her mind, her phone rings. She reaches over to the night stand beside her bed to pick it up.

"Hello?" she says, rolling back on her back and laying her head against the pillow. She didn't look at her caller ID, but she guesses it's Mike. She sighs. "Look, this isn't really the best-"

"Bella?" It's not Mike.

It's... "Edward?" Her forehead wrinkles. For a moment she wonders where he could have gotten her number, but she realizes that Alice has it. He could just get it from her.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hi. What's up?" she asks, glancing at the clock. Red numbers reading "12:49" glare in the room's darkness. Her heart skips a beat or two, sure something must be wrong if he's calling her so late.

"Oh...nothing. I didn't wake you, did I?" he asks, his voice apologetic.

She's relieved that nothing seems to be wrong. "Uh, no. I was awake. I can't sleep."

"I can't sleep either," he admits.

She sits up, and brushes the hair out of her face. "So...?" She can't imagine why he'd be calling.

"Right. I was wondering if...if you couldn't sleep that is, if you wanted to go get some coffee with me?"

She blinks a few times, wondering if she heard him right. "Coffee? Like...now?"

"Uh. Yes."

Bella waits a moment before answering. She would have to sneak out. She has never snuck out before. Tanya used to do it on occcasion, she knew. She would usually come into Bella's room before hand and ask if her sister would shut her window after she left-but leave it unlocked-and cover for her if neccessary. Bella had never seen the need to do it herself, however.

Her heart sped up again with anticpation. Why shouldn't she go out and have coffee at one in the morning? She could probably walk out the front door and no one would notice. She wants to do this, she realizes. She wants to do something a bit reckless and very un-Bella like.

"Sure. Let's do it. Where?"

"Well, it's probably best that we don't do it in town, anywhere. People will talk. So I figured the truck stop?"

She has to stop herself from snorting. The truck stop? Seriously? But she knows he is right, so she sighs, and agrees. They decide to meet there in fifteen minutes.

Bella gets out of bed and pulls on a pair of jeans and a v-neck red shirt. She runs her fingers through her hair, hoping to make it somewhat presentable. Then she grabs her black bag and her cell phone, and walks as quietly as she can down the stairs. She walks out the front door, and no one comes out after her, so she assumes that she is safe. Charlie and Renee probably won't notice she's missing.

She gets into her dark blue Honda Civic and starts the car. Even if the sound does wake her parents, they'll just think it's one of the neighbors. She turns the radio down and heads out of town to the truck stop.

The truck stop is just outside of Forks, but the people who work there are from other small towns, and the only people that stop there are usually truck drivers and families passing through on vaction. No one there will know Edward or Bella, so they don't run the risk of becoming gossip. Bella could imagine what the town would do with gossip like this. Edward-Tanya's boyfriend who the Swan's blame for her death- and Bella-Tanya's younger sister who should blame Edward as well. They'd have a field day.

The place is mostly deserted when Bella walks inside, only three truck drivers, all sitting at different tables, at different sides of the restuarant. They all probably pulled in for a break to rest their eyes. None of them look up as she walks in.

She finds a table near the back and sits down, sitting her bag on the bench beside her. She worries for a second that Edward might not show up, but at the same time she knows he isn't the kind of person to bail on someone. Tanya had always raved about that.

She waits by herself for five minutes before Edward walks into the resturant. He spots her immediately and his face relaxes. He walks over to her and sits down on the opposite end of the booth. "Hey," he says softly.

She manages a smile in return. "Hey."

The waitress comes over and lays a menu down in front of both of them. "Welcome, can I get you guys something to drink?"

"Coffee," Edward says before glancing at Bella.

"Hot chocolate."

The waitress nods and goes back to the counter.

Neither of them say anything for a long moment. Edward flips open his menu. "Do you want something to eat?" he asks, finally.

"Uh. No, not really."

"They have great pie here."

She doesn't really eat junk food or sweets, being that she's a dancer. A piece of apple or pumpkin pie sounds amazing to her, though, and her stomach rumbles in reponse. She sighs. "I shouldn't."

He looks amused. "I don't think you have to worry about your weight."

She raises an eyebrow, surprised that that is the first conclusion he would come too. Though she knew that Tanya was someone who had worried about their weight quite a bit. She wants to disagree with him, but she knows she can't, even if it's just because she has to be small for dancing, not because she's aneroxic or anything.

"I guess I could," she says. "If I could get a small piece."

"We could share," he surprises her by asking.

"Okay," she agrees.

He smiles. "Pumpkin?"

"Definitely."

The waitress comes back and sets a white mug in front of both of them. "Anything else?"

"A piece of pumpkin pie, please. Two forks?"

She looks amused at the two teenagers, and nods. "Coming right up."

Bella reaches for her mug of hot chocolate and takes a sip. When she looks up she studies Edward's face for the first time that evening. He looks tired, still, the purplish bags under his eyes, and the general sadness to his face. But he looks a bit better, she decides. More relaxed, maybe. He's dressed simlar to her, in jeans and a shirt that's a bit wrinkled. His aburn hair is sticking up in all directions.

"How are you?" she asks him, suddenly.

He looks over at her, their eyes meeting. "I don't know. It still...it feels odd."

She nods. "Yeah. Same here."

"I still...expect to see her. Maybe it hasn't sunk in." He pinches the bridge of his nose, shutting his eyes.

"It sunk in for me after the funeral," she says quietly. "It still feels strange though. Like she should come home from school, or be there for breakfast or _something." _

He nods. "I keep waiting for my phone to ring, or for her car to appear in the drive. And then when it doesn't...I get all disappointed again. I can't believe it happened." His eyes are dark and depressed, and he looks so much younger than he normally does, so innocent and just sad. Broken.

Bella wishes she could comfort him. But she doesn't know how to comfort herself, much less another person. She finds herself reaching out to touch the hand he has resting on the table though, running a finger gently over his worn out knuckles. "I know," she murmurs.

He looks up and meets her eyes again. He turns his hand over, entwining his fingers with hers. He squeezes them gently, and then they both let go.

"How did it go with Mike?" he asks, abruptly changing the subject.

"I broke up with him," she tells him, matter of factly.

Edward's eyebrows shoot up. "What? Why?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I guess partly because now just...isn't the time to have to worry about a relationship. It's too much. The other reason..." she bites her lip, unsure of whether to coutinue or not. "I think he just dated me because...of Tanya. Because he wanted to be closer to her, or maybe because he thought I was like her. I'm not sure. But I just couldn't deal with it any longer."

When she looks up she's surprised to find his expression understanding. "I think you made the right choice, Bella." He seems to confident in this fact.

She shrugs again. She'd rather not talk about it at all.

The waitress comes back and sets the plate of pie down in the middle of the table, and sets the two forks next it too. "Let me know if you need anything else," she tells them, before heading back to the kitchen.

They each reach for a fork, bumping hands as they do so. Edward motions for Bella to take the first bite, and she does so, smiling as she tastes it. It's _really _good and she can't remember the last time she's induldged in a snack like this.

Edward takes a bit too, and she glances up at him.

"Edward...what are we doing?" she asks him. This evening has been really nice, and she hates to ruin it, but she has to know.

He swallows and washes the bite down with a gulp of his coffee. "I don't...I don't really know what to say without sounding crazy."

She reaches for her own mug and stares at the warm brown luqid for a moment before taking a drink. "It's okay," she tells him. "Just tell me."

"Well...I just...I want us to be friends, okay? I know it's weird, because you're Tanya's sister, and I'm her boyfriend, and we've never really talked before this, but you...you're a really nice...different-in a good way-girl, and I...you're really the only one in town that doesn't blame me, aside from my family. I just want to spend time with you. I know it doesn't make any sense, but that's what it is. I want us to be friends."

She stares at him for a moment, his words sinking in. It is weird, she knows, and oh the things people would say if they found out. But she needs a friend too, and she can't think of anyone she would rather have to be one than Edward Cullen.

"I want us to be friends too," she tells him.

He smiles at her, and she smiles back.

They stay at the truck stop well into the night. They talk about school, and Rosalie Hale coming to see Bella. They talk a bit about Tanya, and share a memory or two about her. It's two-thirty when Bella finally glances at the clock on her cell phone and sighs.

"I guess I should get home."

He glances at his own phone and nods in agreement, his face falling. "Yeah, it's really late."

Edward reaches for the check that the waitress had brought them a while ago, and he pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and pulls out money to cover their drinks and pie.

Bella reaches for her own wallet. "Let me-"

He laughs and shakes his head. "Don't worry about it," he says. "My treat." His smile is crooked and beautiful and makes her knees shake.

"Okay," she agrees weakly.

They walk out to their cars together, her civic and his volvo parked next to each other.

"Text me when you get home, okay? I want to make sure you got in safely," he orders gently.

She nods. "Sure." She unlocks her doors and crawls into her car.

"Edward?"

He pauses opening his door and looks up at her. "Hm?"

"Tonight was really...nice."

His lips twist up with a hint of a smile. "Yeah, it was," he agrees, before getting into his car.

They go into their opposite directions. Bella gets back to her house and pulls into the driveway. She slips her bag over her shoulder and opens the door as quietly as she can, shutting it behind her and leaning against it for a moment, listening for any sign of her parents. She sees and hears nothing so she heads up the stairs to her room. She closes her door behind her and flops down on to her bed, smothering a yawn and she leans against her pillows. She's tired and ready for some sleep finally.

But before she gets too comfortable she pulls out her cell phone.

_Home safe. Parents never knew I was gone. Thanks for tonight. -B. _

* * *


	6. Best Friend

So this chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be. But it's a necessary chapter to the rest of the story, and I didn't want to include it with the next chapter. Plus I wanted to update now.  
Thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed this. This is probably one-if not the-of my favorites that I've ever written. It's great to hear that you guys like it.

Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. The rest of it, however, is.

* * *

Chapter Six.

The first thing Bella heard the next morning was her cell phone ringing. With a groan she stuck her hand out from under her warm blankets, groping around her nightstand for it. She finally found it, clicked the send button and held it to her ear.

"Hello?" she murmurs, still half asleep. She draws her arm back into the warmth of her bed.

"Guess who is back home!"

"Hi Angela."

Angela laughs. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yes." Normally Bella would have come up with something witty or sarcastic in response, but she isn't coherent enough for that yet.

"Sorry," Angela apologizes, but Bella can tell she doesn't mean it. "I probably should have waited an hour or something."

"No. It's fine." Bella sits up in bed, shivering as her skin is exposed to the cold air. She is still wearing the clothes-and shoes-that she had worn out last night. She yawns, covering her mouth with the hand that isn't holding her phone.

"Do you want me to come over? I can bring videos and chocolate and we can just sit around all day," Angela offers.

"That sounds great, but I don't want to stay here all day. I'll come over to your house, okay? And we'll figure out something from there. I'll be there in an hour, okay?" She gets out of bed and heads for her dresser.

"Sounds good to me. I'll see you then."

"Yep."

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

Bella sighs. "Thanks. See you soon."

"Bye." And the line went dead.

With another sigh Bella shut her phone and sets it on the dresser. She pulls out a pair ripped jeans and a black v-neck that she's always loved. It's a night scene, a gorgeous moon and blue and green tones. She heads into the bathroom and takes a long, hot shower. Under the stream of warm water she shuts her eyes. The water courses over her muscles, which are a bit tender from her dancing yesterday.

She gets out of the shower feeling a little more refreshed. She changes into the clothes she picked out, brushes her hair and teeth. Grabbing her trusty bag and cell phone, she heads down the stairs.

Renee and Charlie are sitting at the table in the kitchen.

Bella stops at the bottom of the stairs and gaps at them, shocked that Renee has gotten out of bed.

Renee is wearing her usual tight jeans, the kind that a mother-especially a mother with teenagers-shouldn't wear. Her shirt is gray and wraps around her figure. Her hair is washed and brushed and curling. She's wearing make up.

Bella has no idea what to say to her. She walks into the kitchen.

Charlie looks up at her and shows a hint of a smile. "Morning, Bells."

"Morning Dad," she says, going over to the toaster to make her customary bagel for breakfast. She puts it into the toaster and waits, glancing at her mother.

"Morning," Renee murmurs. She's looking at a magazine, and there's a full plate of scrambled eggs sitting in front of her.

The bagel pops and Bella puts it onto a plate and carries it to her normal seat at the table. It feels sort of weird, everyone being there but Tanya. She tries not to think about it.

"What are you up to today?" Charlie asks her, folding the newspaper and setting it beside his empty plate. He reaches for his coffee.

"Angela is home. I'm going to go hang out with her, I guess."

He nods. "Have fun."

She takes a bite of her bagel and nods. It's the last thing anyone says while they eat, or while Bella eats. She finishes her food quickly, the awkwardness and silence getting to her.

"I guess I should get going," she says, putting her plate in the sink. The dishes still haven't been done, and she realizes that she's probably just going to have to break down and do it. She'll do it tonight, when she gets home.

Charlie tells her again to have fun, and she heads outside. Angela doesn't live very far, so Bella just walks. When she gets to the Weber's house, she avoids the actual house and heads for the garage instead.

A few years ago Mr. and Mrs. Weber-back when there was a Mrs. Weber-had converted the garage into a studio for their budding artist daughter. It was painted in light airy colors, and the walls were covered with her art work. She had a huge desk and more paint supplies than a store. Angela pretty much lived in the studio.

Bella pushes the side door open without knocking.

Angela looks up and smiles. "Hi!" She sets down her paint brush and jumps to her feet, rushing over to her best friend and throwing her arms around her.

Bella isn't sure she wants to be comforted. She still doesn't know how she is feeling. How she was doing. So she pulls away from the hug after a moment, and smiles reassuringly at her friend. "I'm okay, Ang, really."

Angela raises an eyebrow, but says nothing. She had gotten a tan on vacation, and her brown hair was tossed into a messy bun. She had bangs now, that fall into her brown eyes. It looked really good on her. She's wearing paint smattered jeans, and a white v-neck shirt that had probably once been plain. Now it had a big purple smear across the stomach and chest.

She walks back over to her desk and sits down, staring thoughtfully at the easel in front of her. She reaches for a paint brush and moves it towards the canvas like she is going to paint something, then shakes her head once. Another second passed and she sticks the end of the paintbrush into her mouth and bites down on it, just like she always does when she's thinking.

Bella walks over to one of the other chairs laying around and sits down, glancing at the canvas. It is something new, obviously. She had probably just started it this morning. It is almost completely blank, except for some deep purple in the middle of it. It could be anything.

"I hope your vacation was good," Bella says. She feels bad that she had called in a mess after hearing the news. She knew her friend was there for her no matter what, but she wishes she hadn't needed to call right in the middle of her vacation.

"It was," Angela says, still staring at the canvas.

"You came home early?"

She nods.

"Because of me?" Bella bites her lip, hoping not.

"Naw," Angela shakes her head. "It was just time to come home. And anyway, I wanted to come home. I needed to paint. I'd been sketching the whole time, and it just isn't the same. And I've been wanting to work on this," she pauses and motions to the canvas, "for days now. I missed Ben, too."

Angela never lies, never tries to cover things for Bella's benefit, so she nods, feeling better.

"I broke up with Mike."

She finally turns away from the canvas. "You did?"

"Yeah," Bella shrugs. "I think...well, I guess he was in love with Tanya in the first place. He was just dating me to get closer to her. I've known since the beginning, I guess. Anyway, I just couldn't keep dating him. It was pointless."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I don't even miss him." It was true. I hadn't even thought of him since.

Angela nods, because she's probably not surprised. Everyone knew that Mike and I weren't right for each other. Looking back Bella's not even sure whey she went out with him, but he was cute, and he was the quarter back, and he had asked _her _out, not Tanya.

Bella shrugs and turns to look at the canvas, where Angela is adding more purple paint.

"What are you painting?"

Angela shrugs. "So far? A flower. I've got a lot planned for it though." She is usually secretive of her projects until they are finished, so Bella nods and shrugs indifferently.

Silence falls on the two girls once again, and Bella sits there and watches her best friend work on that purple flower, and then finally she sighs, brushing the hair out of her face. "I'm friends with Edward Cullen," she blurts.

What is it about Angela that makes her blurt out all of her problems?

Once again Angela turns away from her canvas to stare at Bella. "What?"

Bella shrugs. "I don't know. It just...happened."

"How, exactly?"

"I don't know! After the funeral I ran after him and-"

"What happened at the funeral?" she frowned.

"You haven't heard all about it?"

"Bella, I've been in Forks for a few hours, and I've been hauled up in my studio since then. No, I haven't heard anything."

"Edward came to the funeral. And Renee freaked out on him. She actually told him to get out. It was awful," Bella tells her, her voice cold. "She was so rude to him, and everyone was talking, and you could tell that Edward just wanted to tell her goodbye..

"So he left the funeral, and I ran after him and stopped him in the street. Everyone is blaming him for Tanya, and I told him that I didn't blame him. Then the next day I found his birthday present from Tanya in her room, so I took that to him. The next day Alice Cullen invited me for dinner and..." she trails off before she tells her about the midnight coffee. It was a nice special moment for her at least, and she doesn't want to share it. "And now we're...friends."

Angela shakes her head. "Only you, Bella."

Bella snickers. "Of course."

"So you don't blame him."

"No. I think most people in town do, though."

"Why don't you?"

"Because it wasn't his fault. He was just there with her when it happened. When she died." The word died sounds so weird on her tongue and her mouth, like it doesn't fit, like it's a word she's never heard before and is still trying to learn.

Angela doesn't comment and Bella sends her a sharp look. "You don't blame him do you?"

"No. Of course not. I agree with you. But sometimes it's just easier for people to blame someone else," Angela says.

Bella nods thoughtfully, thinking of her parents.

Angela turns back to her painting, and Bella allows her without comment, falling back into her own thoughts.

She's glad Angela is back home.

Bella spends the rest of the afternoon at Angela's studio, catching up on Angela's vacation, and the newest gossip on Forks. When the sun starts to set Bella reluctantly decides she should leave, and the two girls hug before Bella sets off in the direction of her home. She wishes she had remembered to grab a jacket, the sunny warm weather from earlier gone, replaced instead by a chilly damp evening. She wraps her arms around herself and jogs home, trying to stay warm.

She's relieved to see her house, and runs inside, shutting the door behind her and leaning against it with a shiver. The water sprinkling down outside lingers on her bare skin, and she rubs a hand over her arm, brushing the water away.

She's not surprised that neither of her parents are around as she pushes away from the door and ventures into the rest of the house. She glances around the living room for them, and when she finds nothing she goes back into the kitchen and makes herself a sandwich for dinner. Grabbing her food and a soda from the fridge she heads up the stairs to her room to eat and then to get some sleep.

On the stairs though, she realizes that she can hear her parents talking. No, they aren't talking. They're yelling. At each other. Words are impossible to make out, but the tone of their voices are clear. They're arguing. Shouting and yelling angrily at each other.

Bella freezes on the steps, listening to the voices of her parents. Of course her parents have fought before. All parents do. But hers have never fought much. Just little disagreements here and there, and one or two big fights. But she's fairly sure she has never heard them shout and yell at each other like this.

The goosebumps reappear on her skin, but this time not because of the cold. She wants to know what they are fighting over, what's wrong, and she's tempted to go stand outside their door and listen in. But a part of her doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to acknowledge that something might be seriously wrong.

And that side wins. She runs up the remaining stairs and into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She sets her food on her nightstand, and goes over her dresser, plugging her iPod into her iHome and turning the music up loud enough to cover her parent's voices. She sits on her bed and eats her sandwich, focusing on the music and the lyrics. As soon as the food is gone she sets the plate on her nightstand and crawls under her covers and lays there well into the night, thoughts and voices swirling around in her head. Finally she manages to drift into a restless and unhappy sleep.


	7. Hands

So it's been a bit of a break since the last chapter, but the good news is that I have several chapters written now, so the updates should be more frequent like they were in the beginning.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving! And thanks as always to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, etc. Since I have so much written, everyone who reviews will get a preview of the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight.

* * *

Chapter Seven.

"Stop moping and get out of bed," Alice demands, in her chirpy voice, standing at the foot of her older brother's bed.

Edward, buried under pillows and blankets, groans. "Go away, Alice."

"All you do is lay around in bed," she says, unwilling to let this go.

He sighs and rolls over onto his back, glancing up at her. "So what."

"You don't see Bella Swan laying around all day everyday, and Tanya was her sister."

The mention of Tanya makes him flinch, and he sighs, running his hands over his eyes and then through his messy bronze hair. His thoughts drift to Bella then, and he thinks about their late night coffee. That was the best-and the only good thing-to have happened since Tanya's death.

He knows Alice is right. Bella has been up and active. But no two people are the same. People grieve differently. And Bella's way seems to be getting up and hanging out. Getting her mind off of it. She seems pleasantly numb to what's going on, and he wishes that he could be the same way. His nature is different though. Her's is to try to keep moving forward. Edward's is too lay around and feel sorry for all that's happened until he's finally able to shake the feeling in the pit of his stomach.

But Alice has a point, and with another sigh he gets to his feet, pushing away his blankets. "Happy now?"

Alice nods pleasantly. "Very! I'll see you downstairs."

He rolls his eyes as she leaves his room. He goes over to his dresser and changes into jeans and a black fitted t-shirt. He runs a hand absently through his hair instead of combing it, as he grabs his toothbrush. Feeling somewhat more human he wanders out into the hallway, down the stairs, and to the kitchen where his parents and Alice are eating lunch.

Carlisle and Esme look up, surprised to see their son up and moving. He's definitely been missing in action the past two days. Ever since Bella came over to eat. They don't know what it is, and he doesn't know what it is either. He had been feeling okay before that, but when he got home he felt depressed and tired and sore and had just gone to bed where aside from coffee with Bella the other night, he has remained. Maybe it was seeing the Swan house. Maybe it was Mike Newton, maybe it was the fresh air. He doesn't know.

"Good afternoon," Esme says brightly, standing up. "Want a sandwich?"

He hasn't eaten much, and his stomach growls loudly to make sure he remembers that. "Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds good."

Esme is beaming brightly as she goes to the counter and makes a sandwich for her son, which she sets in front of him a moment later.

He takes it from her with a mumbled thanks and takes a bite.

"What's the plan for today?" Carlisle asks carefully.

Edward takes another bite and shrugs. "I don't know. I guess I could go see if anyone wants to hang out." Truthfully he wants to go spend time with Bella. She's the only person that still likes him, that is willing to spend time with him. She is there, unjudging and unwavering, making her his favorite person right now.

But hanging out with Bella isn't as easy said and done. He can't exactly walk over, knock on the door amd ask if Bella's around to hang out for a while.

Yeah, definitely wouldn't work out. He decides to call her when he's finished eating. He eats faster now, devouring the sandwich in record time and then grabs his soda, washing it all done. "I've got a call to make," he tries to explain to his parents, who are watching him closely.

He can tell his parents are dying to ask him who he's calling, but he ignores their expectant, curious stares and carries his plate to the sink. He heads back up the stairs and grabs his cell phone, where he promptly dials Bella Swan's number.

She picks up on the third ring. She sounds tired. More so than usual. "Hello?"

"Bella? Hey."

"Edward? What's up?"

He sits down on his bed and runs a hand through his bronze hair. "Um, nothing. Are you busy?"

"Nope. No."

"Do you want to...do something?"

There's a pause on her end. "Like what?"

He doesn't know. He hasn't thought that far ahead. "You can come over here, and hang out if you want. Or we can go somewhere and hang out. I just..." He trails off, unsure of what he wants to say or how to say it.

"I know," she says in a soft voice, and he feels like she truly understands. "I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Great. See you then, Bella." She murmurs a good-bye too, and he hangs up his phone, shutting it and tosses it on the bed. He leans back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling. He's really not sure why he needs Bella the way he does. But regardless, he does need her.

Fifteen minutes later there is a knock on the door, and he rushes to answer it, jumping up from the couch where he has been waiting for her. He opens the door and she's standing there with a pensive expression. She's not wearing any makeup and there are black circles under her eyes. Her hair is messier than usual and she's wearing plain jeans and a black shirt two sizes too big. She looks even more tired than Edward feels.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replies, brushing her hair out of her face and behind her ears.

He feels guilty for asking her over, and really hopes that she hadn't been sleeping or something when he called. "Are you okay?"

She swallows and shrugs her tiny shoulders. "Are you?"

He shrugs as well, and they both stare at each other for a moment, silence hanging heavy between them.

"Come on," he says finally, turning and walking towards the hall.

She shrugs to herself and follows him down the hall and into his bedroom.

It's blue and black and reminds her of him. It smells like him.

He sits down on a black couch, and she sits down cautiously on the other side of the couch, not feeling terribly comfortable. She likes being his friend. She feels like he is the only person she has right now. She just wishes he hadn't been Tanya's boyfriend. It makes things too complicated.

Her brown eyes roam the room, and finally fall on the open closet, the wrapped present sitting on the shelf where he had left it. "You didn't open it."

He looks confused for a minute, and follows her glance. "No."

"Why not?" she asks, genuinely curious. She probably would have opened it.

He shrugs. "I don't know. I just can't. Maybe I can someday. But not yet."

She nods, brushing her hair out of her eyes again. "Okay."

"Have you been sleeping?" he asks her.

"Sort of. I have been, I mean. Until last night," she tells him honestly. She doesn't see the point in lying to Edward, or to anyone really. Lying gets her no where, and life is too short not to let people know the truth.

"What happened last night?"

She bits her lip, turning to study Edward's face carefully. Lying and holding things back are two different things, and she's unsure of how much to tell him.

In return he watches her carefully, wondering why she looks so unsure of things. He hopes that she can confide him, and he doesn't even know why.

"It's my parents," she says finally.

"Your parents?" He doesn't know much about Bella and Tanya's parents, really. About as much as he had known about Bella before this all happened. They were nice enough, though he probably would have considered Renee shallow. But they had really seemed to love Tanya, and they had seemed to really like him. Until she had died. Now he was sure they hated him. He didn't blame them.

She shrugs, uncomfortable again. "Yeah."

He raises an eyebrow, encouraging her to go further.

"It's... I don't know! Ever since Tanya died...Renee's gotten out of bed maybe once, and she's so...out of it. Charlie is doing okay, I guess. I don't know, I've hardly even seen them since... But last night when I got home I could hear them fighting, and I've just...I've never heard them fight like that."

He's surprised to hear Bella refer to them by their first names. Tanya called them Mom and Dad, not Charlie and Renee. "It's probably normal," he says, because he wants to comfort her. She looks so confused and worried about it. "It's hard for a parent to...lose a child."

"I know that," she says with a sigh. "And I know that Tanya was Renee's entire world, and that makes it that much harder for her, but I just...I don't know. I have a...really bad feeling." Her lips turn down into a frown, and she can't help that feeling her stomach.

He has no idea what to say. He reaches out and touches her hand, and they awkwardly entwine their fingers, feeling clumsy and uncomfortable, but at the same time not wanting to pull their hands away and pretend it didn't happen.

Bella stares at their hands with no idea what to think or do next.

"It'll be okay," his voice tugs her attention back to his face, and his eyes are green and gorgeous with intensity. "It'll be okay," he repeats, and she finds herself nodding, and maybe for the first time, believing that possibly things could turn out all right after all.

Edward walks Bella home a few hours later. It's drizzling outside, but you don't live in Forks your entire life without being used to getting a little wet. Edward knows he could and should have just driven her, but he has barely driven a car since Tanya... and he knows there's no way he could drive with Bella in the car with him. He doesn't say any of this out loud to Bella, and she doesn't even bring up the idea, which leads him to wonder if she understands how he feels about it, or if she's afraid to. He doesn't really want to know the answer.

Instead they just walk down the growingly familiar route from the Cullen's the Swan's in their hoodies with the hoods up. Their hands are once again entwined with the other's, and they make no comment on it, and neither of them read into it. They just enjoy the warmth the other one provides.

After sitting on Edward's couch for a while and just talking a bit, they ended up down in the living room watching a movie with Alice. Esme brought out snacks, junk food like chips and mini candy bars and sodas, things Bella rarely eats. She needs something though, something to cheer herself up, to make her feel better. So she found herself digging in with the rest of them.

When the movie was over, Esme insisted that she had to stay for dinner, and she had without an argument, and she found herself once again at the dinner table with the Cullen's. It was very similar to the previous dinners, Esme, Carlisle and Alice trying to keep a conversation alive while Edward picks at his food, and tonight Bella does the same, not hungry after eating chips and chocolate all afternoon.

As usual when Bella leaves Esme tells her to come over whenever, that they are there if she needs them. She appreciates it more than Esme will probably ever know.

She is actually feeling okay as she and Edward walk together. Being at the Cullen's distracts her from her problems, and even though she's going home, back to the empty house, she feels better than she has all day. She's glad that Edward invited her over.

"Thanks for today," she says, as her house comes into sight.

He smiles. "Thanks for coming over."

She rolls her eyes, and then smiles a small smile. "It's nice. I like being away from my house," she admits.

"You can come over tomorrow if you want," he offers. "Alice'll probably steal you away for movies again, but you're welcome."

She realizes tomorrow is Thursday. The two week mark, and also the day of one of her dance classes. She hasn't attended a class in that two weeks, of course. She was told to stay out as long as she needs. But dancing is important to her, and she knows that every class she misses she'll just have to work harder to catch up later. "I can't. I'm going to Port Angeles."

"Oh," he says, a little disappointment seeping though his voice.

"The next day?"

"Of course."

They stop in front of her house, and turn to look at each other.

"So I'll see you Friday," he says awkwardly.

She nods. "Yes."

"Uh, stay safe tomorrow, okay? And if you need anything, you just, you know, want to talk or something, call me."

"Thanks Edward."

He squeezes her hand and she squeezes back before they finally let go.

"Bye," he says with a smile.

"Bye," she replies, smiling back at him.

He turns back towards his house, and she turns to walk onto her porch. She feels the loss of his hand in her own, and she's surprised at how much she misses it. She shakes her head and walks into the house. It's completely dark and quiet, and she's relived, heading straight up to her room.

It's not really late, but she doesn't feel like staying up. She sheds her jeans and grabs a pair of shorts, pulling them on as she heads for her bed. She curls up under her comforter, today replaying in her mind. And all she can think is that she feels different. Not better, not worse. Just different, and that's her last thought as she falls asleep.


	8. Back To Dance

Thanks always to everyone who reviewed, read, favorited!

This chapter's a bit short. And does not have the teaser I previously sent you. Because...I thought I had already posted this chapter, and I hadn't, but it will be in the next chapter which is now finished and I'll post by the end of the week. Promise.

Also I added outfits and some other extras for SDISS to my profile.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

Chapter Eight

Bella leaves the house the next morning with her dance bag feeling more rested for once. She feels...different and maybe even a little confused, but knowing she's going to be dancing soon puts her in a better mood than usual.

She throws the bag into the backseat of her Honda Civic and heads for Port Angeles. She rolls down the windows a bit to let in the cool air but keep the drizzling rain out and turns up her stereo, determined to leave her worries and problems behind her in Forks.

Instead she finds herself relaxing as she drives, trees blurring on both sides of her as Paramore blasts from her speakers. She sings along and taps her fingers along against the steering wheel.

When she gets to Port Angeles and parks in front of the dance studio she feels lighter and happier. She knows that everyone is probably going to give her that look, and say they are sorry, and ask her how she is, and they'll probably watch her waiting for a breakdown or something. But she's going to keep her head high and she was going to be okay.

She heads into the studio, her bag slung over her shoulder.

Mrs. Cope greets her as she walks into the waiting room, with a smile. "Bella! How are you, dear?" she asks. Mrs. Cope is an old grandma type figure, and unlike a lot of people she would probably deal with today, her question and concern didn't seem forced.

"I'm okay," Bella tells her.

She nods. "I'm glad you're back."

"I am too."

"You can go on back, if you'd like," Mrs. Cope tells her, since the waiting room is generally just for parents or little kids.

She nods, and thanks Mrs. Cope before heading into the back. She heads for the dressing rooms. Everyone, most of them girls in her class, turn to stare at her as she walks inside.

Everyone looks surprised to see her so soon, and just like that any trace of a good mood is gone, replaced by irritation. As everyone's eyes follow her, she fights back to the urge to snap 'What are you looking at?' She takes a deep breath and heads down to one of the free benches, plopping her bag down and getting out her things. She changes into tights and a plain brown tank top. She laces up her ballet shoes, and turns to one of the mirrors to pull her hair up into her ponytail.

Some of the girls have turned away and started talking to each other, or gone back to changing themselves, but Bella knows that a few of them are still watching her, but she ignores them as best she can.

Leah, a pretty girl from La Push comes over to sit down on the bench beside her, and starts lacing up her shoes. "It's good to see you, Bella."

"Thank you," Bella says. She's always thought of Leah as a pretty nice girl. She wasn't the type who joined in the gossip, or talked about which girls needed to work on their dancing, or needed to lose weight, or made fun of anyone. She was quiet and generally kept to herself. She and Bella have never really talked though.

They say nothing else, but Bella feels better.

As their class is about to start and everyone heads into the main room for their class, a few other girls come up and tell Bella the same thing. The rest watch her and talk carefully about her behind her back.

They all sit down on the floor and begin stretching while they waited for Madame Kayla. When she enters the room it only takes a second for her gaze to fall on Bella.

"Bella, dear?"

Bella stands up slowly and walks over to Madame.

"Hello, dear."

"Hello."

"I'm surprised, but I'm glad to see you," she says, brushing her blond bangs away from her eyes. "I didn't expect it to be so soon."

Bella nods. "I know. It is...soon...I guess." A big part of her wishes she hadn't come. She feels awkward and out of place. Like there's something wrong with her because she is able to be here already. Like she doesn't even care about what happened.

Madame Kayla shakes her head. "Don't worry about that. Grief, loss, that's something personal. Everyone is different, everyone deals with it different. And none of it is wrong. If you think you are ready to be here, you're ready to be here."

The words hit her hard, and she looks up, surprised. "Really?" She asks, a small smile spreading across her face.

She nods, and smiles. "Of course, dear. Now go out there and start stretching. You have a lot of work to do."

When Bella leaves the studio she actually has a smile on her face. Madame Kayla's words keep playing over and over again in her ears, and she thinks that maybe, just maybe, there isn't something wrong with her and the way she's feeling about Tanya's death. She feels so weird, not crying, not sulking in her room like her mother, or keeping quiet to herself like her father, or even like Edward was doing. She feels numb and lost, but she doesn't want to feel that way. She doesn't want to be sad.

She gets into her car and shuts the door. She doesn't turn on the car on right away, instead she just sits there, hands on the steering wheel and takes a couple of deep breaths.

Dance class had been fun. She was glad she had went, it was what she needed. As soon as they had started dancing she had been able to completely forget all of those girls who were talking about her, who were disapproving of her being back so soon, and just went out there and danced. Dancing had made everything better.

She hadn't been lost. She hadn't been sad. She hadn't been numb. For the first time in two weeks she hadn't been drowning.

As she finally turned her car on and turned back towards Forks she felt like she had her head above water.

Charlie is up when Bella gets home. He's sitting in his recliner, staring at the football game playing on the TV. A beer is open, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He looks up when his daughter enters the living room, taking in her tank top and shorts, and the bag hanging over her shoulder and for the first time since his other daughter's death, he actually smiles.

"You went to dance."

She can't help but wonder if he thinks it was too soon, but the smile suggests otherwise. "Yeah. I did. It was...I needed too," she explains.

He nods. "I'm glad you did."

She smiles hesitantly. Her eyes flicker to the TV. She hates football, but she finds herself sitting down on the couch anyway. She drops her bag beside her and glances over at her father.

"Did you have fun?" he asks.

She shrugs and nods. "It felt good to be back."

"Good."

Silence hangs between them for a while. Silence with Charlie is easy. It's not awkward, it's not uncomfortable, it's not heavy in the air. It's just...normal. But not today. Today it's thick in the air and Bella shifts, frowning.

"Have you thought about going back to work?" she asks, and then bites her lip. Why would she ask him that? She doesn't even know.

He looks surprised for a moment at her question, and then shrugs. "I don't know. I want too...that's why I went back so soon...I wanted to get back out there, I wanted to get back to work. It helped too, at first. I had my mind on other things."

Bella nods, encouraging him to continue.

"But then...they called me out to a car wreck."

He looks away the same instant that she flinches. She understands now.

He sighs, his hand rubbing his neck, a sure sign he's stressed.

"I get it," she says softly, so he won't try to explain it to her. She doesn't want him to have to say it.

"But you don't." He shakes his head. "Bells...I was the one that got called to that accident."

She frowns in confusion.

"Not that day back at work, the one two weeks ago."

What he's trying to say finally clicks and she turns to stare at him in horror. "What?" she gasps.

He nods, avoiding her gaze. "They called me. I had no idea. I went out there, and saw Tanya's car... and I went into the car and there was Edward and Tanya and they both looked..." he shuts his eyes. "They both looked dead."

Bella's stomach clenches and twists. Charlie was the first person to see Tanya. He had been called to an accident thinking it was some stranger, instead found his own daughter.

"Tanya....you saw her," he says simply.

She nods weakly, because she had. "Edward...did he...see her?"

Charlie shakes his head. "No. He was out cold. He banged his head up pretty bad."

Her mind brings up the image of Edward with his stitched up cut.

"I don't know if I can go back," Charlie says honestly, and Bella is well aware this is the most her father has ever said to her directly. They don't have conversations, they don't talk about feelings. And he just told her all of his.

"Most of the stuff I can handle. But now...I know it's like to be the parent of that kid. That's all I'll ever see when I see a car accident. That's a huge part of my job, I can't avoid it."

"Do what you need to do, Dad," Bella tells him, swallowing hard. "We'll all understand. I'll understand."

He meets her eyes for the first time, and she stares back into his brown eyes. The same shade as her own, and her stomach starts churning all over again.

"Thanks Bells," he says quietly.

She nods, but doesn't say anything. Instead she reaches for her dance bag and stands up. "I should get some sleep," she murmurs.

He nods in agreement and his eyes follow her as she walks up the stairs to her room. When she turns back to glance at him once more he is still watching her. His expression is odd, like there's more he wants to say to her, but then he shakes his head and turns back to the game, leaving Bella standing at the bottom of the stairs, his words still sinking in, pulling her back under.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

Chapter Nine.

Bella spends the next few days at the Cullen's. Renee hasn't emerged from her room, and Charlie hasn't said more than a words since his big confession. Bella feels like a stranger in her own home, and she hates the cold empty feeling that lingers there.

So she spends most of her time at the Cullen's. They don't really do anything, mostly she's spent the time with Alice in the living room watching chick flick after chick flick until Bella can't take anymore and begs for an action movie. She always stays for dinner, and Edward always walks her home, and he always holds her hand.

On Tuesday she goes her dance class, and it's much the same as it was on Thursday. The same girls give her the looks of disdain and whisper, but she ignores them, holding her head high as she changes into black tights and a blue tank top.

Leah sits down beside her again. "Hi Bella," she says, brushing her long silky black hair behind her ear.

"Hi Leah," she replies as she puts her hair up into a bun.

"How was your weekend?"

Bella shrugs. "Good. How was yours?"

"It was nice," Leah says with a slight smile. She turns to look at Bella. "I just...you're okay? You look better than you did Thursday. I guess I just wanted to tell you, see I lost my father last year. I know...it's hard. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here to talk, if you need it."

Leah, a shy quiet girl, is the last person Bella expected this type of kindness from. "Oh," she says, taken off-guard. She's touched. "Thank you, Leah," she says softly. She manages a small smile for the girl.

Leah returns the smile, and nods. Before they can say anything else Madame Kayla calls the class to begin. But there is a bond formed now, a silent understanding that they are now friends. They walk onto the dance floor together and stand beside each other as they do their stretches.

When class is over, Madame Kayla calls Bella over. "You're doing wonderful, dear. You'd never know you missed a class."

Bella smiles at the bit of praise. She's been practicing every night, trying to catch up. And to work off the dinners at the Cullen's.

"I was thinking, in the end of summer recital, would you like to do the solo?"

She's caught completely off-guard. "What? The solo?" She gasps.

Madame Kayla's studio holds three recitals a year. A spring recital, an end of summer/fall recital and a Christmas recital. Every class performs a dance a recital and usually one or two of the older kids or a particularly gifted student is chosen to do a recital. With so many students, it's a huge honor.

Bella knows she's a good dancer, even if she doesn't always believe it. Madame Kayla is personally recommending, and working with her to go to Julliard, and that alone is more than enough proof that she is a good dancer. The studio is well known, and Madame Kayla well-respected. She rarely recommends and helps dancers get scholarships and get accepted to the school. Only the ones with real promise.

Promise to be a professional someday.

"It could be your Julliard audition dance as well," Madame Kayla suggests. "If you're interested of course. I was planning to ask you...well, before, and I know now is a tough time for you, dear, so I would understand if you didn't-"

"I do," she answers quickly. "I want to do it."

Madame smiles. "Wonderful. Now most of it is up to you. I'll help you with anything you need, but the music, the dance, that's your choice."

Bella can't help but smile, the possibilities running through her mind. This is what she's been working up for the past few years. A solo at one of the recitals. A chance to be able to dance a dance that is completely her own.

"Thank you, Madame Kayla."

The older woman smiles. "No problem, dear."

When Bella gets back to Forks, and to her house, she walks inside only to once again hear the screaming and shouting voices of her parents. Her hand, still on the door knob, begins to tremble. She's never heard them scream like this. Her heart starts pounding as she listens. All the happiness that had been surging through her crumbles, and she's left with a shaky feeling instead.

It's like the walls are caving in on her. She walks out of the house and shuts the door with a trembling hand. And she starts walking.

She's still in her dance tights, shorts and a tank top with a pair of converse.

She doesn't care. She's not even sure where she's going. Anywhere but here. She just can't be here.

After a few minutes she realizes were her feet are leading her.

To the Cullen's.

She stands outside their house for a while, just staring at the house, trying to decide whether or not she should actually go up to the door or not. She can't stop shaking, and tears sting at her eyes, but she doesn't want to cry. She hates crying.

Finally with a deep breath she walks up to the front door and knocks. She prays that it will be Edward to open the door. She can't deal with Alice right now. Or Esme. Especially Esme.

She wants Edward.

--

"Where's Bella today?" Esme asks, looking into the living room where her two teenage children are sitting on the couch, staring dully at the TV. Bella Swan has become such a fixture in their house that she's surprised not to see her sitting on the couch as well.

"She's busy. Something in Port Angeles," Edward responds, his voice lifeless. He likes having Bella around. He doesn't know why, but she makes him feel better. She makes him feel alive again, or at the very least numb from the pain. She makes it easy for him to breath. When she's gone, the pain is heavy, all around him.

When she's not there all he can see is Tanya and that car. He replays that night over and over again in his mind, thinking over and over again 'what if?', 'why didn't I...' until it threatens to drive him insane.

He also hears Bella's words that first day, after the funeral, about it not being his fault. He knows that she truly believes that, but he doesn't. He just can't convince himself that it's true. There had to be something he could have-that he should have-done differently. A way Tanya would have survived, a way that she would still be here.

Even when he sleeps he can't get rid of the images. He has nightmares. The kind that wake up up and leave you gasping for breath and wondering if it had really been a dream. It seemed so _real. _

At least the sleeping pills that Carlisle gave him help repress the dreams, at least most of the time. If he couldn't get any decent sleep he'd probably really be going insane.

The door bell rings, and Esme starts to move forward, but Edward stands up instead. "I'll get it," he says, walking towards the front door. He jerks it open and finds Bella standing on the porch. She's wearing navy blue converse, black tights, a pair of tiny black shorts and a navy blue tank top. Her brown hair is lose and curly around her shoulders. And she's crying.

"Bella! What's wrong?" he asks, stepping outside and shutting the door behind them. He walks over to her, feeling his heart jump with worry.

"Sorry," she chokes out, reaching out to wip at her eyes. The tears just come as fast as she can wipe them away though, and she lets out a cry of frustration.

He reaches out and grabs her hands, moving close to her, as he brushes the tears away. "What's wrong?" he asks in a more serious tone, watching her brown eyes carefully.

"I don't know. I don't know why I'm crying like this. I was having a good day! And then I got home, and," she can't stop the sobs coming from her chest now, and she really wishes she wasn't having this breakdown in front of Edward.

He lets go of her hands and moves to put his hand on her shoulder, waiting, encouraging her to finish.

"A-and, they were fighting again. My parents. Even worse. This time they were screaming, and I just...I don't know what to do anymore. I can't pretend this isn't happening! I thought I was doing okay, but that's what I've been doing. I've been pretending! That this is just a bad dream and if I stick it out long enough I'll wake up and everything'll be okay.

"But it won't! I won't wake up and it won't be okay. Tanya's gone. She's dead! she's _not _coming back. And Charlie won't go back to his job, and he will always see her right after it happened, laying in the car..." she's positively bawling now, tears running down her face, sobs breaking up her words. "And my Mom isn't going to get over it. This is...it's going to destroy them, and I can't pretend it's not. Even they know it. And I...I...I just don't don't know what to do. What I am supposed to do?!" She growls out the last part, frustration building in her chest.

He watches her while she speaks, while she breaks down, his green eyes searching her, his heart feeling like it's been squeezed. Her pain is so visible, running over her face, falling from her eyes, and he hates it. He doesn't want the beautiful girl standing in front of him to be in pain.

To be broken.

He can't help but think that she deserves more. So much more. So much better.

He steps forward and wraps his arm around her and pulls her against him, needing to offer any comfort he can give to her. She cries against his chest, and he put his arms around her, leaning his head down against her brown hair, letting her cry.

For the first time he can remember, since he was a small child he has to fight back the urge to cry along with her, and even then a few tears can't help but escape. He wants to cry for Tanya. He wants to cry for himself. He wants to cry for Bella. And he can't hold it back anymore. Tears start falling from his eyes, landing against her soft brown hair.

Bella feels the water drops and stiffens. When she realizes that he is crying to, it makes her feel ever worse, makes her heart ache that much more. Tears start fresh again, and together they just stand there on the Cullen's porch, as the sun goes down, holding each other while they cry.

They feel an awful lot like adults that have grown up too soon, but from a strangers eyes they look more like lost children.

"I'm sorry," she says when they finally pull away. "I shouldn't have..."

"No, don't apologize," Edward says quickly, shaking his head. He's embarrassed to have been crying in front of like that, just as she's embarrassed that she cried in front of him. He reaches out a hand to brush away the remainder of tears on her cheeks, and she blushes.

She reaches out a shaking hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"I don't don't know what I'm supposed to do," she says in a shaky whisper.

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do either. It feels wrong...moving on...doesn't it?

Bella nods. "It does."

"I can't believe she's gone."

"Me neither. And I feel like an awful person, but I wish I could just get past this, I want the pain to go away. I want to move on. I want to be okay again."

"It's not awful," he says gently, because that's the way he has been feeling as well. "It's going to be hard, but I'm here for you. I'll help anyway I can," he tells her honestly, because he would do anything to help this girl standing in front of him. He reaches out and takes her trembling hand in his and squeezes it.

She squeezes it back. "Thank you. I'm here for you too," she turns to look at the now dark sky and sighs. "I should go home."

"You don't have to. I'm sure Esme wouldn't mind if you stayed over," Edward offers, because he hates the thought of her back at home, with her fighting parents.

Bella considers this for a moment, and than nods. "Okay." And she stays.


	10. Hope

So things cheer up a little from here on out. They needed to grieve, but they're starting to realize that it's okay to have a little fun too. I think they're also starting to realize that they may be feeling a little more than friendship for each other. (;

As for mentions of Julliard...I've never looked into, so I have no idea how the process goes, this is just how I imagined it.

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! Special thanks to **develindiskies** who always leaves me amazing reviews that make my day. I love all of you though!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight.

* * *

Chapter Ten.

It's a turning point. Telling Edward-or anyone really-what's on her mind, what she's been going through. Crying it out, letting it all out. When Bella wakes up in the morning, on the Cullen's couch, she feels different. She feels that hollow ache inside of her from all the crying, but she feels...maybe not better, but like she _could _feel better.

She sits up and runs her fingers through her hair, dragging it out of her face with a yawn. Last night comes back to her in a rush, crying with Edward's arms around her, and then feeling his tears on her head. She hopes that he feels it too.

This sort of....well...hope.

"Well good morning."

Bella turns around to see Alice standing in the doorway. She's still dressed in pajamas, her black hair sticking up in all directions, a grin stretched across her face. "I didn't expect to find you here."

"Uh, yeah, wel..." she fumbles for an excuse, and then rolls her eyes. "My parents were...fighting last night. Edward said I could just stay here. So I did."

Alice nods, her blue eyes turning sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Bella."

Bella shrugs. "It's actually the best night of sleep I've gotten since..." she trails off, because it feels weird to actually say it. As she says the words though, she realizes that she does actually feel well-rested. She doesn't feel that aching tiredness this morning.

She throws the covers off, and Alice looks over her clothes-the same as yesterday-carefully. Then she grins. "Bella Swan."

Bella turns to look at her again, and is instantly suspicious of the tone of voice, not to mention the look she's giving her. "What?"

"You're a dancer."

"What?" For a moment she can't figure out how on earth Alice would know that, then she looks down at her clothes. "Uh. Yeah."

"You've never told me!"

"I've never really told anyone," Bella admits. Because, apparently she's decided recently [very recently] to be honest. At least with the Cullen's.

"Why not?" Alice demands.

Bella shrugs. "I don't know. It was my thing, I guess. The thing I love, the thing I'm good at. I guess I wanted it for myself. I didn't want other people to want to do it, or to say anything about me doing it. Plus, it's not like anyone asked."

Alice sighs, shaking her head. "I'm sure everyone would have been supportive."

Bella just shrugs. "Maybe. It was just nice having a secret, I guess."

"Are you a ballet dancer?"

"Yes. I've done a bit of everything, though."

"Are you any good?" Alice asks, straight to the point.

A smile plays on Bella's lips. "I guess so. I've got an audition at Julliard, and I've got a solo in the summer recital, which is a pretty big deal."

Alice grins. "So you're good," she claps her hands together. "Does anyone else know?" she asks, looking like a child with a juicy secret.

"Angela knows. I don't know who else. I didn't really tell people, but I didn't really keep it from them either."

"So I'm one of the few people?"

"I guess so?" Bella says, wondering what the big deal is. So she's a dancer. It's not like anyone outside of Angela and the Cullen's even care.

"Wait," Alice says suddenly. "You mean Edward doesn't even know?"

"Probably not. Unless Tanya told him. Why does this matter?"

Alice shrugs. "It doesn't. I'm just curious. Hey, want some breakfast?"

"Uh, sure," Bella says, following Alice into the kitchen to make breakfast.

They end up making chocolate chip pancakes.

And a mess.

But when the remaining Cullen's wake up, there is a large stack of pancakes on the table, warm, ready and waiting. Even Bella can't wait to dig in as they pass the plate around.

Edward comes down the stairs, anxious about seeing Bella, remembering last night. But when he walks into the room, Bella smiles at him and he relaxes. He takes the seat beside her, and everyone is in happier spirits as they eat their breakfast.

After the food is gone, and Bella and Alice have mostly cleaned up the kitchen, Alice suggests that they go swimming. Today is sunny, and she doesn't want to waste it.

Edward shrugs. "If Bella wants too," he says, because he can swim anytime.

"It sounds fun," Bella agrees, nodding. "But I don't have a suit..."

"I have plenty of extras," Alice says quickly. "You can borrow one."

Bella agrees, and Alice disappears into her room and emerges a moment later with a yellow and black plaid bikini, handing it to Bella.

Half an hour later all three of them our standing out by the Cullen's pool. Bella had previously been unaware that the Cullen's had a pool, though it didn't surprise her. Carlisle Cullen was, after all, a doctor.

It was a large, gorgeous, pool. Pretty stone tile and fresh cool water, lounge chairs set off to the side, and tables, and she guesses they hosted parties out here, or something.

It is kind of surprising to find someone who has a pool in Forks though, where sunshine is such a rarity. With anyone else Bella would have wondered what they were thinking. With the Cullen's it was just sort of...normal.

Alice pulls off her shorts and tank top, reveling a purple and black glittery, zebra print binkini that only someone like Alice could pull off. She gathers her long black hair into a messy bun and goes to lay in one of the lounge chairs, reaching for a magazine that was sitting on one of the other chairs.

"You're not even going in?" Bella asks.

Alice shrugs. "I might later. I need some sun though," she says, gazing over her pale stomach.

Bella shrugs, and glances over at Edward, who is standing beside her. He's used to Alice 'wanting to swim' and then sitting around instead. Truth is that Alice doesn't really like water. She doesn't mind shallow water, and playing some the occasional game, but she's scared to death of putting her face underwater.

Edward has no such reservations about water. He pulls off his shirt, takes a breath and jumps into the pool. The water splashes up and splatters Bella.

She jumps at the cold water against her bare skin and grins, holding her breath and jumping in after him. The water is freezing cold for a moment before becoming comfortable, and it does feel good under the hot sun.

Bella swims to the other side of the pool and pops her head above water, brushing the water away from her eyes, and grinning up at Alice, who is watching them as she slathers something onto her skin.

"The waters great!"

Alice smiles. "Good to know. You enjoy it."

Bella laughs, catching her by surprise. She's pretty sure this is the first time she's laughed since Tanya died. It might be a little hollow, a little out of practice, but it's a laugh, and it feels good. She wants to laugh more. She spies Edward at the other end of the pool and swims over to him. He reaches out to grab her hand as she comes close to him, and he smiles hesitantly.

"How'd you sleep?"

She smiles back. His smile is gorgeous, and she wants to see it _more. _"Actually, I slept really good."

"I slept pretty good too," he confesses, still holding onto her hand. "You're feeling better?"

She nods. "I am. I don't feel so...hopeless," she tries to explain.

To her surprise he nods. "I kind of feel that way too."

They both smile at each other, holding eye contact, until Alice turns on the radio and they both swim away from each other, a little embarrassed.

Bella eventually convinces Alice to come play some water volleyball for them, and they play an awkward three sided game that becomes more of keep away. Alice ends up in the middle, too short to get the ball over or away from Alice.

"This is unfair," she pouts as Edward shoots the ball over her head.

Bella laughs and tosses it back to Edward. "I'm sorry, Alice."

"Aw, come on, Ali, you should be used to it," Edward jokes.

She rolls her eyes. "One of these days," she mutters, and all three of them laugh.

"Hey," Edward says suddenly, as he catches the ball and throws it back to Bella. "What's Jasper up too? I haven't see him around much since..." he trails off, rubbing the back of his neck while Bella catches the ball.

"Oh, he's fine," Alice says, watching Bella toss the ball back to her brother. She's not even bothering trying to catch the ball anymore, she's just standing in the middle of them, watching. "He's been pretty busy helping his Dad with the store. And he just... he wanted to give us some space for a few days," she adds softly, avoiding Edward's direction.

Edward immediately wishes he hadn't asked. Jasper Whitlock, his little sister's boyfriend, happens to also be one of his really close friends. He hasn't thought much about him-or really anything-since Tanya's death, and suddenly he realizes and is afraid that maybe Jasper thinks it's his fault as well, and that Alice could just be telling him the watered down verison. It's bad enough that most people in Forks think it's his fault, but one of his best friends too?

"But," Alice brightens. "We have a date tonight."

He decides to at least be around when Jasper comes to pick up Alice, and tosses the ball back to Bella, who has been listening quietly to their conversation. She hadn't known that Alice and Jasper Whitlock were dating. She knew that Jasper was a close friend of Edward's, and that Mr. Whitlock, a big man she'd always been somewhat terrified of, owned a hardware store. She can't picture the tall lanky blond with his ripped jeans and flannel or old t-shirts and Alice together.

Eventually Alice gets tired and goes back to lay down on the lounge chair. It's only a few minutes before they hear the soft sounds of her sleeping.

"This has been fun," Bella says, walking over to Edward, who's tossing the ball from hand to hand.

He smiles in a agreement. "It has been."

She's about to stop in front of him, but she slips and lurches forward. She struggles to hold her breath and shut her eyes, anticipating the cold water, but instead she's met by wet skin. Edward catches her, and she leans against his wet, muscled chest. She puts her hands on his arms to steady herself.

"Whoa," he says, his hands around her waist, afraid she'll fall again. "Are you okay?"

She nods, glancing up at him, at the face she's beginning to know so well. He's handsome. She doesn't know if she had ever really noticed that before Tanya's death, but he is, he's so handsome. He's got a strong jaw, fine lips, and those emerald green eyes that are currently staring back at her. She finds herself wanting to feel those lips against her skin, to run her fingers over his slight stubble on his chin.

How had she gone all that time without ever noticing Edward? Like the way his smile was just a bit crooked, his lips pulling up further in the left, or the way his nose was slightly bent, like he had broken it once. How had she never noticed his voice, so deep and soothing, or how polite he was, opening doors and offering a hand when someone needed help?

Everything she's finding out about him, she loves even more than the last thing.

She doesn't know she doesn't pull away. Why he doesn't pull away. Why his eyes are studying her face every bit as carefully as she's studying his.

Her heart is pounding in her chest, and she doesn't know why.

He moves closer, instinctively, and she moves closer as well, and they're so close that she can feel his breath on her lips. They're only a half an inch apart, and then they realize what they are doing. They both jump away, both turning red, and feeling unsure.

"Uh," Bella says, suddenly cold, her heart still pounding. She brushes her wet hair out of her face. "I should probably be getting home, I guess. My parents are probably..." she trails off with a shrug. She has no idea if they've noticed her absence or not. If they have, they probably figure she's with Angela and aren't worried about her, bu tit's a good excuse.

Edward nods. "Okay." He entwines his fingers and pops his knuckles, a nervous habit of his. "You'll come tomorrow?" he asks suddenly, his voice desperate, afraid of what just happened and that it might keep her away.

She smiles gently. "As long as you want me around."

"I do," he assures her, his voice thick.

"Then I'll come tomorrow." She gets out of the pool, reaching for her things on the lounge chair beside Alice's. "Tell Alice I had a lot of fun. And that I hope she has a nice time with Jasper tonight," she tells Edward.

He gets out of the pool and reaches for a towel. "I will," he pauses, watching her. "I could walk you home?" he offers.

She turns to look at him, and shakes her head. "Thanks, but I'll be okay." She needs some time to herself, she needs some time to think.

He nods, and they say their good byes. She stops back up at the house and changes quickly into her other clothes, taking Alice's bathing suit with her to wash before returning, and thanking Esme but declining her offer to stay for dinner, she walks back to her house.

The sunshine dries her wet hair, and she's holding her shoes in her hand, letting the pavement warm her bare feet. The last two days replay in her mind as she walks, especially over that last bit with Edward. She's not sure how she feels about Edward. Or she does know how she feels, or is beginning to feel, and that's the problem. She refuses to let herself do this, to fall for him, even a little bit. He's Tanya's boyfriend. If she was still here he would still be with her.

But she isn't here. And he isn't still with her.

And Bella can't deny the attraction, the connection, and all of this just makes it so much harder. She can't help but think that she really does have enough to deal without this as well. And so giving it her best shot she tries to push Edward Cullen from her mind, and instead focuses her energy on praying that she walks into a quiet house, and that maybe, just maybe, the worst of her parents fighting is over.


	11. Pizza And Old 'Friends'

So I seriously apologize for this taking forever. It's been a crazy last couple of months. I've got sports, boys [and lot's of boy problems!] and I just got over a wrist injury that prevented me from typing. Not really good excuses, but still. Here's an extra long chapter to make up for it. The next chapter is basically done as well, so I'll be posting that soon too.

Disclaimer: Twilight still isn't mine.

* * *

Chapter Eleven.

Edward stands in his bedroom, pacing back and forth.

"Are you insane?" he mutters to himself, dragging his hand through his hair nervously. "What was I thinking?"

What _had _he been thinking? He had almost kissed Bella Swan. He was _going _to kiss Bella Swan. His girlfriend's sister!

And worse, she had all but run out on him. Which he knew he deserved. He was her sister's boyfriend, and he had almost kissed her. Even if Tanya was no longer around, and he and Tanya were no longer an item, it still must feel like betraying Tanya. Heck, he felt like he was betraying Tanya, of course Bella did.

He lays down on his bed and rubs his hand over his face with a groan.

How did this even happen? Today had been such a good day. He had woken up feeling okay for the first time since Tanya had died, he had fun with Alice and Bella, and now he feels worse than ever.

He rolls over and buries his face into his pillow. Closing his eyes, he can see that first day playing in front of him. He and Tanya had known each other forever, of course, everyone in Forks had. They'd been in school together since kindergarten. They'd been friends as children. But they hadn't really been anything more than that until freshman year of high school. He had been sitting in the music room, playing the piano, when she walked in. She was gorgeous, with her strawberry blond hair and her vibrant green eyes.

_"Hey Edward," she said with a smile in her voice, shutting the door behind her. She held up a stack of papers in one hand. "I have some papers for Mr. Reyes?"_

_His fingers stopped on the keys, pausing over them. "He left a few minutes ago."_

_"Oh," Tanya nodded. "I guess I'll just leave these here for him."_

_Edward nodded, picking his tune back up as Tanya set the papers down on Mr. Reyes desk. She started to head for the door again, and then she paused at his piano, turning to look at Edward. "You play...so well. I mean, you're amazing at this, Edward."_

_She surprised him. Tanya was popular, she was a cheerleader, and he couldn't remember the last time she had talked to him more than a hello. "I'm not that great," he told her honestly. _

_She laughed. "Yeah, right. Don't be so modest."_

He shrugged, a smile playing on his lips.

_Tanya brushed her hair out of her eyes and smiled. "Are you going to the dance this weekend?"_

_"I don't know," he said absently. "I wasn't really planning on it, I guess."_

_"You didn't ask anyone?"_

_He shook his head. "No. Are you going?"_

_She shrugged._

_"You haven't been asked?" He asked, skeptically. _

_She smiled and shook her head. "No, I have. But no one I want to go with," she looked at him with expectant glint in her eyes, she was waiting. _

_"Mm," he mused softly, his fingers dancing over the keys. "I'll pick you up at seven?"_

"See you then," she winked, smiling that signature Tanya smile that had made her so popular in the first place. She headed for the door, pausing to wave before she walked out of the room.

That had been it. They had gone to the dance together, she had worn this gorgeous green dress that had brought out her eyes that he had known at that moment he would never forget what it looked like, and how she looked in it. They had their first kiss that night, and from then they had been a couple, they had been Edward and Tanya.

Dating Tanya had sky-rocketed Edward into popularity. He was sitting at the table with the football players, and soon he was on the team as well, though not with a great spot or anything. And eventually they had homecoming king and queen, and they were the it-couple.

But Tanya had always been that girl, that girl with the perfect smile and the green eyes that sparkled when she was happy. She was so alive, so vibrant, and now she was gone.

His stomach lurches, and he sits up with a start. He had been so in love her, he still was. How he's even thinking about any of this is beyond him.

There's a knock on his door, and he swallows hard. "Come in?"

The door swings open and Alice is standing there, dressed for her date with Jasper. "Hey!"

"Hi."

His mood has changed, she realizes, his carefree attitude from this morning gone. She's disappointed, but she tries not to show it. "Jasper's coming soon," she tells him.

He nods, standing up. He needs something else to think about, he needs a distraction. He follows Alice down the stairs, just as the doorbell rings. Alice bounces forward, a smile lighting her face she opens the door. She throws her arms around Jasper, and brushes her lips against his quickly, before grabbing his hand and leading him into the house.

Jasper looks surprised to see Edward up and about. "Hey, man," he says, with a tentative smile, but it's full of acceptance.

If there's anything that has kept Edward from his friends, it's that he's worried about what they will think. The Swan's thoughts on the situation is clear, and he knows that a lot of the town shares the same feelings. And his friends were Tanya's friends, so why should they feel any different?

Edward walks over to him. "Hey," he says, and Jasper sticks out his hand, and they shake and everything is cool between them. Jasper doesn't blame him, and everything is good.

Alice is all smiles as she watches the exchange, though she knew that Jasper didn't feel any ill towards Edward. She entwines her fingers through Jasper's other hand and smiles up at them, because regardless of what was up ahead, she felt hope for her brother, for the first time since Tanya died.

When Bella ends up at the Cullen house the next day, she's determined not to mention anything about what happened yesterday. These feelings are not going to rule her. She's going to pretend they never happened. She needs too. Because even if she does really like Edward, and he wasn't still in love with Tanya, would she ever be anything than a replacement for Tanya to him? She'll just get hurt. It's better for both of them this way.

_It is better this way, _she reminds herself as she knocks on their door.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirps as she opens the door. "Come on in!"

Bella follows her inside, into the living room, where Edward and Jasper are hanging out.

"Hey Bella," Jasper says, smiling at her.

She hardly knows Jasper, but she smiles anyway. "Hey."

Edward smiles at her, but he looks nervous, so she just smiles hesitantly back and sits down on the other side of the room from him.

Alice plops down on Jasper's lap and smiles at the group around her. "What do you guys want to do?"

"Watch a movie?" Edward says with a careless shrug.

"No. No more movies. I am movied out," she declares. "We need to get out of this house."

Edward and Bella exchange unsure glances. "Uh, Alice..." Bella starts.

"Ali, I'm not sure-"

"Stop. Both of you. What are you going to do, stay in the house all summer? Come on guys, you both need some fresh air."

Staying in the house all summer was basically what both of the _did _have planned. Edward wasn't ready to face that sort of judgement that was sure to come, and Bella had had a difficult enough time going back to dance without facing the entire town. Staying inside all summed seemed like a _much _better option. To both of them.

"So how about we go get some food? Pizza?" Alice suggests.

"Pizza sounds good," Jasper agrees.

"I don't know, Alice, I'm not sure I'm ready for this," Bella says softly.

Alice smiles at her. "I know, Bella. But waiting isn't going to make it easier. You need to get out there and face this, face the world. Both of you do," she says in a soft voice, hoping that they don't take what she's saying wrong.

"It's all going to be fine," she adds.

The only reason Bella agrees is because she knows that Alice isn't going to let this go. Edward never really does agree, he just numbly follows the group as they head out to Jasper's truck. He and Bella end up crammed in a much too small backseat.

"Uh, Ali, why do you get shotgun? He asks, grimacing as Jasper drives over a bump.  
"I'm his girlfriend."

"Yeah, and that's great. But I'm 6'1," he grumbles pointedly.

Alice just rolls her eyes, while Bella glances at the teenager beside her and grimaces as his bent legs, but she keeps silent. Edward sighs in defeat, turning his head to stare out the window.

There's only one pizza place in town, and it's one of the only places to eat in town, besides the diner, so it's a popular hang out. Bella and Edward are both relived to find that it's not very busy today.

They find a seat in the back of the restaurant, and Bella absently looks through the menu, even though she knows the entire thing by heart practically, she's eaten here enough over the past seventeen years.

"What can I-oh wow. Hi."

Bella's head jerks up, and she sees Kate Winters standing in front of them. She's surprised, first and foremost, to see Kate working, especially at the pizza palace. She's wearing the standard uniform, black slacks, a white shirt, and the black apron, and she's hardly recognizable. Kate and Tanya were friends...sort of. They had been friends-real friends-as children, but as they got older they merely hung out for the social aspect. Bella had heard Tanya bashing Kate on more than one occasion.

Kate brushes her brown curls over her shoulder, glancing from Bella to Edward. "You guys are hanging out..?" she asks.

Bella cringes, because she knows that tone. By tomorrow everyone they know will know that Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are 'hanging out'. Kate loves gossip.

"We're friends," Bella mumbles, still staring at the menu.

"Uh huh. I see," Kate says, smiling.

"I'd like a coke," Alice says in a clipped voice, smiling tightly at the older girl.

"Sure," Kate turns to Alice with a smile. "How about you Jasper?"

The three of them order cokes as well, and Kate disappears back to the kitchen.

"I can't believe she's working here," Alice rolls her eyes. "I give her two weeks tops."

Bella swallows hard and nods. Her hands are shaking a little bit, and she doesn't know why. She glances at Edward, and he's avoiding her gaze.

She takes a deep breath, and tries to focus on whatever Alice is saying.

Kate comes back with their drinks, and orders their pizza without another word, but she keeps that smug little smile in place.

After a slice of pizza that Bella has no appetite for, she excuses herself and walks outside, to the side of the restaurant. She leans against the brick wall, and inhales the cool air deeply. It's going to rain, for the first time in days. She's almost gotten used to sunshine, and she laughs bitterly at that. Who lives in Forks and gets used to sunshine?

"What are you doing out here?"

Bella doesn't have to turn to know it's Kate. "Getting some air," she says shortly.

"I have to say Bella, I'm really surprised that you're hanging out with the Cullen's. I mean, he's practically the reason Tanya's gone."

"How is he the reason Tanya is gone?" she asks in what she hopes is a calm voice.

Kate shrugs, reaching into the pocket of her apron and pulling out a package of cigarettes. She takes one out and lights it. "Well he _was _driving the car."

"So what? Doesn't mean he's responsible. That doesn't mean...anything."

"You keep telling yourself that, Bella," Kate tells her, her voice indulgent, like she's speaking to a child. "I know Edward's a good looking guy, and really popular too, but do you really think he'll date you? I mean, you are her sister, but-"

"What are you talking about? Edward and I are not...anything like that," Bella says, feeling the cold hard truth that she and Edward are just in fact ...friends. "We're just friends. We both lost someone we loved," she snaps.

Kate holds up a hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or something."

"Sure you didn't," Bella mutters in her direction, heading back inside the restaurant. When she gets to their table, she doesn't sit back down, instead she reaches for her wallet and cell phone she left sitting on the table. "I can't stay here..." she says, trailing off as she feels tears threaten to fall.

"Oh, Bella," Alice says, standing up. "We'll go home, just let Jasper pay real quick, okay?"

"I can pay for myself," she manages.

Alice smiles and shakes her head. "Thanks Bella, but it's okay. I wanted us to go out, it's taken care of."

She doesn't have the strength to argue, so she just nods and lets Alice and Jasper pay the bill for the pizza, and the four of them walk back out to Jasper's truck.

Edward's been silent throughout most of the dinner, and she doesn't ask him if he's okay, because chances are he feels like her right now. And she knows. So when they lock eyes as they fasten their seatbelt, she nods, and he nods back, and she knows that they're both still sort of okay.


End file.
